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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe that running a family business has more advantages than disadvantages while others think its problimatic discuss both views with your point of view

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Introduction
in
Capitalize the word
In
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 recent times, there has
as
Correct word choice
apply
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been a growing debate about whether a family run the
business
Use synonyms
 is a great idea or
its
Use the right word
it's
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 problematic . In my view , the pros of family career outweigh the cons.
Body paragraph 1
Creating a trade and running it is a pretty challenging speacially if it s a family
work
Use synonyms
 , because individuals can mix their personal problems with the profesional life in their
business
Use synonyms
 place , that leads to ruin everything
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
Linking Words
 is the main point where issues start .
However
Linking Words
 , even the incomes and outcomes can be problematic in
this
Linking Words
 case because all the members have the right to share the money the
work
Use synonyms
 gains ,
for example
Linking Words
, if a member of the family needs an amount of that money, they need to give it to him because they are a family , not just
a
Correct article usage
the
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 leaders .
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , if the whole family have already a good plan before starting their next steps ,a succeSsful
business
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 would be created
as a result
Linking Words
 of the right planning
,
Correct word order
; moreover,
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moreover
Linking Words
 having a different personality in
work
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 place ,which is suitable for an
eployee
Correct your spelling
employee
, can be the key to
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
show examples
 difficulties.
For example
Linking Words
, setting
a
Correct article usage
apply
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limits in
work
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be useful even if you are in a
business
Use synonyms
 with your own family.
Conclusion
In conclusion , working with your close people can be a great idea to create a successful life
,
Add a semicolon
;
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therefore
Linking Words
, being smart is required . But, it is problematic sometimes
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 from my perspective
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 advantages outweigh the disadvantages .

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain each main idea more fully. Say why family problems can harm work, and why a clear plan can help a family business do well.
task response
Your examples are too general. Add one clear example, such as a family making rules about pay, jobs, and work hours before they start the business.
task response
Keep your view clear from the start to the end. You say the good points are stronger, so give more space and support to these good points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea. In the first body paragraph, first talk about personal problems at work, then talk about money in a new paragraph or link it more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links in a more natural way: 'However', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'In contrast'. Do not join many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the ideas are not in a clear order. State the main point first, explain it next, and then give an example.
task response
You answer the full question by showing problems and good points of family businesses, and you give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and the use of 'On the other hand' clearly shows the move to the other view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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