IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experi

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowdays many scientific
arm
Check wording
arms
show examples
 are developing efficiently, which means they can impact the population positively.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 art
bureau
Check wording
bureaus
show examples
 that can't help the population's lives, but they can improve other things .And I will write
this
Linking Words
 essay with an agreed statement.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, in connection with improving art, many opportunities appeared in our generation. Back in the days, none of them knew how to cure cancer,but nowadays we know how, which is a good sign of health organisations. Without technique, we can not find anything about cancer, flu, and antibiotic which, all of
this
Linking Words
 helped us.
For example
Linking Words
, Louis Pasteur found out vaccines that can cure diseases through
science
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are many famous people that found ways to help the population's health through
science
Use synonyms
 and thanks to them.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not all
science
Use synonyms
 annexes can help others. Because
science
Use synonyms
 is not only for curing diseases or helping people live. It can be used to research other things,
such
Linking Words
 as space, minerals, sea or even machines. Those are all founded
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 technique. So, skill has many
kinds
Use synonyms
 of subskills. Even other
kinds
Use synonyms
 of sections helped through skill.
For instance
Linking Words
, machines,electricity, or even technology. All of
this
Linking Words
 is made up through erudition.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we have to gain knowledge about all
kinds
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
science
Replace the word
scientific
 branches.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, we can't think
science
Use synonyms
 is only for bourgeois's health or something.
Although
Linking Words
 it can be , which means not all
kinds
Use synonyms
 of erudition can help humanity. We just have to understand how the system goes and how it works , or how difficult it is to discover something new that can help us.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view clear in the first part. Say if you agree fully or only in part, then keep this view in all parts.
task response
Answer the key idea more directly: should science mainly improve human lives? Explain why health, food, safe water, and clean energy matter.
task response
Use clear examples. The Louis Pasteur example is useful, but explain how vaccines made life safer for many people.
task response
Your second main part says science can study space, sea, and machines. Add why this work can still help people now or later.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: first part with your view, two body parts with one main idea each, then a short end part.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main sentence. Then give an explanation and one example before moving to a new idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some words are not clear, such as “art bureau”, “science annexes”, “technique”, and “erudition”. Use simple words like science, research, tools, and knowledge.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a clear way. Use words such as “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In the end”.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat “help people” without adding new meaning. Say exactly how science helps, such as by finding cures, making travel safer, or giving clean water.
task response
You give a clear example of vaccines and disease. This is linked to the topic and shows that science can improve lives.
task response
You also see that science has many areas, not only health. This is a useful idea for a more balanced answer.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a first part, two main body parts, and an end part. This gives the writing a basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use signpost words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “Overall”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: