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Band 5

Many children today want to study overseas in another country. Give the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.

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Introduction
Many
children
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 today want to study overseas in another country, and an important reason is
university
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. There are many successful
children
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 who like to do it in another nation.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages
for
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of
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 learning abroad and the disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
There are multiple advantages of
children
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 studying abroad.
First,
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it gives
children
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 experience and trust in themselves.
Children
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 between the ages of 18 and 24 can go to
university
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 alone and talk with anyone who studies at a
university
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 without any fear.
Also
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, they need to make a group WhatsApp to share lessons with each other, like projects, homework, exam.
This
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 led to successful students.
Second,
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they like to have an excellent location near the
university
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 and be cheap.
For example
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, they do not prefer to live in cities or the capitals of the country. it more expensive than any area.
Moreover
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, they have to go to simple shops to buy something cheap. It is the easiest way to save money.
Body paragraph 2
There are numerous disadvantages of studying abroad.
First,
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children
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 might get lost or anyone steal them. At night, there are crimes everywhere.
Second,
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they do not have good accommodation or a hotel. It can pose a serious threat to
children
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.
Moreover
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,
children
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 might face cultural shock. It means they face a difficult life.
Lastly
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. Some
children
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 don't have a group to solve any problems. It leads to loss of lessons and a decrease in your marks.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 there are several positive and negative for studying abroad.
However
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, there are many solutions to help them.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. Give two clear good points and two clear bad points, then explain why each point matters.
task response
Use ideas that are about study abroad. For example, students can learn a new language, meet people from other places, and become more able to live on their own. They may also miss family, pay more money, and find a new way of life hard.
task response
Make examples clear and true to the main point. The WhatsApp example can show how students get help with study, but it does not clearly show why study abroad is good.
task response
Do not add ideas that are not well explained, such as being stolen or getting lost. Say what may happen, why it may happen, and how it affects the student.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make each body part focus on one main idea at a time.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “In addition”. Make sure the next sentence explains the sentence before it.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts are hard to follow because the ideas change quickly. For example, the part about cheap homes, cities, and shops needs a clear link to the advantage of studying abroad.
coherence and cohesion
Write a stronger final paragraph. Sum up the main good and bad points instead of saying that there are solutions without telling what they are.
task response
You cover both the good and bad sides of studying abroad, so you answer the full question.
task response
You give some useful points, such as becoming more sure of yourself, saving money, crime, homes, and culture shock.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an introduction, an advantages paragraph, a disadvantages paragraph, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some signpost words, such as “First”, “Second”, “Also”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”, to help the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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