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Band 5

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own know

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Introduction
While
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 some people believe
in person
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in-person
classes
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 are better than online
studies
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, others argue learning online
athome
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at home
 is better.
Although
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 online
studies
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 are suitable for
reason
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reasons
show examples
 like quarantine situations and distant
studies
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, I agree that studying in
classroom
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a classroom
show examples
 is beneficial for developing social skills, communication and mental well-being.
Body paragraph 1
One of the major reasons for supporting in-person
studies
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 with other
students
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 is the
overall
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development
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 of the student.
This
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 is because of the communication, interaction of ideologies and exposure to individuals with different personalities.
As a result
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, the child has an opportunity to improve social skills and have an
all round
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all-around
development
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.
For example
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,
students
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 get
meet
Verb problem
to meet
show examples
 their peers from different
background
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backgrounds
show examples
 with various ideologies and personalities.
Therefore
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, they learn to
socialize
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socialise
show examples
 with their classmates and developing inter-personal skills, which
is
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are
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 lacking in online learning methods.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, another important reason for
this
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 is that
students
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 need to maintain a healthy lifestyle in order to have proper
overall
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development
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. Online
classes
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 can lead to a
sedentry
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sedentary
 lifestyle caused by increased screen time and less physical activity.
For instance
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, long screen time can be very stressful and mentally
exhaut
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exhaust
 the
students
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, which can lead to reduced physical activity and make them feel lonely and isolated.
Consequently
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 affecting their mental health, which reinforces the fact that
in person
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in-person
classes
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 are better than online
classes
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 online
classes
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 are suitable for undeniable
situation
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situations
show examples
 like quarantine and
long distant
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long-distance
 education, I firmly believe that in-person
classes
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 are better for
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overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
development
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 of
student
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students
show examples
 because of better skill
development
Use synonyms
 and mental health.

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task response
Your answer has a clear view: you agree that classroom study is more helpful. Keep this view clear in every part. Explain more fully why group work gives social skills and why this matters in later life.
task response
Your two main points are useful, but the examples are quite general. Add one clear real-life example, such as a group project where students learn to listen, share work, and solve a problem together.
task response
The point about online study is fair, but do not make it sound true for all students. Say that too much screen time can cause these problems, rather than saying online classes always do.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. Keep one main idea in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be smoother. For example, change “Consequently affecting their mental health” to “This can affect their mental health.” Use simple links such as “because,” “as a result,” and “for example” only when they clearly show the link.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part more direct. For example: “Classroom study helps students build social skills.” Then explain and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word groups that make reading less clear, such as “students get meet” and “developing inter-personal skills.” Write “students meet” and “develop interpersonal skills.”
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
You choose relevant ideas: social skills, communication, physical activity, and mental health.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are put in a clear order: introduction, two reasons, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “For example,” “Furthermore,” and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Collaborative learning
  • Debate
  • Discipline
  • Engagement
  • Feedback loop
  • Peer support
  • Educational resources
  • Adaptive learning
  • Self-motivation
  • Independent study
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual classroom
  • Accessibility
  • E-learning
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