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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
It is a major belief in society that the main aim of
science
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 is to better people's lives. There is an obvious limit to
this
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 statement.
This
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 essay will state why
science
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 is great at improving lives
as well as
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 why it is good for other aspects
,
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.
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 I shall
also
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 be giving my personal opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Science
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 benefits every human in many ways.
Firstly
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, technological innovations have greatly impacted society. Technology
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such
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, such
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 as phones have shaped people in incredible ways. It is very important for humanity to upgrade devices to strengthen the economy.
Secondly
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, chemistry is used in every house. Studies involving specific chemicals have
lead
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led
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 to the creation of gasoline and plastic.
Lastly
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, medicine is mostly aimed
for
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at
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 people.
Organizations
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Organisations
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 and governments have been spending years researching
for
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apply
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the best treatments for ongoing conditions.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, scientists must
also
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 care for the environment.
First,
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animals may go extinct. If no care is given for the endangered animals that are preserved, they
mightn
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might
 go extinct. An animal should be cared for as much as a human
,
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;
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 we can not let them die
or
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, or
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 else it will affect us. Second of all, the planet would be trashed. Scientific developments are constantly
implented
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implemented
 to keep the earth clean.
Last
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, studying climate change is crucial.
the
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The
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 weather is going through rapid changes
and
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, and
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 if
its
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it's
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 not kept under
control
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control,
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 it may cause harm.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see that
science
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without
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, without
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 a
doubt
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doubt,
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 should push for improving
peoples
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people's
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 lives.
However
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, it is clear to acknowledge that many other things should equally be improved.

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task response
Make your own view clear in the first paragraph. For example, say that you mostly agree, but science must also protect the earth and animals.
task response
Explain the key idea more fully. Your point about the earth is linked to human life, because clean air, water, and food help people live well. Show this link clearly.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Instead of only saying phones, you could say that phones help people talk to family, study, and get help in an emergency.
task response
Be careful with ideas that are too wide. The point about making devices to make the economy strong needs more detail, or it may not seem like the main aim of science.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. To make it easier to follow, use one main idea in each paragraph and explain it before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between the two body paragraphs stronger. The second paragraph should say that care for nature is also part of improving people’s lives, not a fully separate aim.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “Lastly” are helpful, but add links that show why ideas matter, such as “As a result” and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very short lists of points. Give each point a clear topic sentence, an explanation, and an example. This will make the flow more natural.
task response
You answer both sides of the issue: science can help people through technology, chemistry, and medicine, while it must also care for nature.
task response
The health example is useful and relevant. Research into treatment clearly shows how science can improve daily life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple signposts such as “Firstly”, “However”, and “In conclusion”, which help the reader follow the main direction of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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