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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best essy to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or ridind motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today's society,
road
Use synonyms
safety
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 is an integral part of our daily lives. Some people believe that the best way to
increase
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road
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safety
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 is to
increase
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 the minimum legal
age
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 for driving cars or riding motorbikes,
while
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 others
disgree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with
this
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 idea. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I disagree with the idea of raising the
age
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limit
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 to
increase
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road
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safety
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, and provide examples to support my position.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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,
age
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 alone does not make someone a safe driver, because many older drivers
also
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 break traffic
rules
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.
This
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 is because better driver education should teach hazard awareness, defensive driving, and the dangers of using phones
while
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 driving. In many developing countries,
condition
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the condition
show examples
 of roads is
worst
Replace the word
worse
, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 accidents every single day, many people
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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 their lives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some lies on bed for
whole
Correct determiner usage
their whole
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 life because of
untreateable
Correct your spelling
untreatable
 injuries
such
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 as head injury.
Moreover
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, the licensing system could include tougher practical tests and a probation period for new drivers.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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age
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 is not
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
road
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safety
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,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
needs
Rephrase
also needs
show examples
 more strict
rules
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 and practical knowledge.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
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, strict police enforcement and heavier penalties can discourage dangerous behaviour on the
road
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, and
road
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safety
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also
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 depends on safer
road
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 design, clear signs, good lighting, and reliable public transport. An example of
this
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 can be seen in some developed countries,
such
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 as Australia,
there
Correct word choice
where there
show examples
 are proper system of traffic lights and signs to take a break for a
while
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as go in
lane
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a lane
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, and
also
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 impose heavy fines for rule
break
Replace the word
breaking
.
Furthermore
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,
Australian
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the Australian
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 government make policies for vehicle manufacturers about
appropriate
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the appropriate
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 size of alloy wheels and
head light
Correct your spelling
headlights
 of every vehicle.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that younger drivers may be less mature and more likely to take risks, and raising the
age
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limit
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 could reduce accidents caused by speeding, racing, or drink-driving among teenagers.
However
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,
this
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 argument is flawed because it assumes that
age
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 does not only make traffic
rules
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 better.
As a result
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, increasing
of
Change preposition
the
show examples
age
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limit
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 to
increase
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safety
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is
Wrong verb form
does
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 not
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 alone
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 every individual should have proper training about
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rules
Add an article
the rules
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that the idea of raising the
age
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limit
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 to
increase
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road
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safety
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 is not only important, there must
follow their other aspects of
Correct word order
be other aspects of road safety that follow
show examples
road
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safety
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. The benefits of
road
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safety
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 far outweigh the drawbacks.
Therefore
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, I strongly disagree with the statement that the best way to
increase
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road
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safety
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 is to
increase
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 the minimum legal
age
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 for driving cars or riding motorbikes.

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task response
Your main view is clear: you do not agree that a higher driving age is the best answer. Keep this view clear in every paragraph.
task response
Explain your main points more fully. For example, say how better tests, police checks, safer roads, and public transport can cut crashes more than a change in age alone.
task response
Use examples that are more exact. The Australia example needs a clear fact or a short made-up case that shows how a rule, road sign, or fine helps make roads safer.
task response
Deal with the other side in a clearer way. Say that young people may take more risks, but a higher age limit does not stop unsafe driving by older people. Then link this back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. Paragraph one can be about training and tests. Paragraph two can be about law, roads, and cars. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas. Break them into short sentences. For example, write: "Poor roads cause many crashes. Better lights and clear signs can help drivers see danger."
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as "Firstly", "Moreover", and "However" are useful only when the next sentence clearly follows the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Make your last paragraph simpler. Restate your view and name the main reasons: training, strong law, and safer roads. Do not add a new idea there.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You give several useful ideas for road safety, such as better driver training, harder tests, police action, fines, and safer roads.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as "Firstly", "Additionally", "On the other hand", and "In conclusion".
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • road safety
  • young motorists
  • inexperienced drivers
  • risk-taking behaviour
  • driver maturity
  • traffic accidents
  • fatal crashes
  • raise the age limit
  • driving licence
  • practical driving test
  • probationary licence
  • hazard awareness
  • defensive driving
  • traffic regulations
  • strict enforcement
  • heavier penalties
  • speeding offences
  • drink-driving
  • road infrastructure
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