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Band 4.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in toda's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
The issue of whether
History
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 is one of the most important school
subjects
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 has been the subject of considerable debate in recent years. Some
people
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 believe that
History
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 is the most essential school
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subjects
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subject
show examples
,
while
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 others argue that
subjects
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such
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 as
Science
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 and
Technology
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 are more important than
History
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits, I firmly believe that
subjects
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 like
Science
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 and
Technology
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 are more crucial than
History
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.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, those who advocate that
History
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 is one of the most important school
subjects
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 argue that individuals should know more about their country`s
hertage
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heritage
 and culture. The main reason is that
people
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 can avoid past mistakes.
For instance
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, if a young boy
do
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does
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 not know anything about
the
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apply
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history
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, he might make a lot of mistakes
on
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in
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 his life.
Fruthermore
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Furthermore
, individuals can understand how society has changed, which can help young
people
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 to invent a new thing that can serve future generations.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, many who hold the belief that
subjects
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such
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 as
Science
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 and
Technology
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 are more crucial than
history
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 emphasise that nowadays, everything
work
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works
show examples
 by using
technology
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, so that young
people
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 can develop many technologies. Another factor is that
people
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 should learn more about
science
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, so that they can provide a new
medicion
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medication
 for sick
people
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.
For example
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, if a boy intersted in
science
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, he can invent a treatment for diseases.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid
argument
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arguments
show examples
 on both sides, I firmly believe that
the
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apply
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 like
Science
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 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 are more crucial than
History
Use synonyms
. The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that young
people
Use synonyms
 can develop
technology
Use synonyms
 and invent a new treatment for sick
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain why Science and Technology are more important now, not only say that people use technology every day.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For History, give a real past event or show how knowing the past can stop a clear kind of mistake. For Science, explain how study at school can lead to new health care or useful tools.
task response
Some examples are too general. The example about a boy making mistakes in life does not clearly show how History helps. Use examples that are closely linked to the school subject.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the links between ideas more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part needs one clear main idea, followed by a reason and a full example. In the History part, the point about society changing and inventing new things feels less direct. Explain the link or use a more direct point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. For example, use “because” to give a reason, “therefore” to show a result, and “for example” before a clear case. Avoid using “so that” many times when you mean “because” or “therefore”.
coherence and cohesion
Check agreement and word forms, as these can make ideas harder to follow: “History is one of the most important subjects,” “everything works,” “a boy is interested,” and “valid arguments.”
task response
You answer every part of the question: you present the value of History, the value of Science and Technology, and your own view.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the opening and stays the same through the ending.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “To sum up” helps the reader follow the two sides and your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to find: learning from the past, using technology, and helping sick people.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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