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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
People
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 now have the ability to go to local markets and buy groceries originating from other countries. There have been many debates over
this
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 topic
,
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;
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 some
people
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 see it as a negative change
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while
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, while
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 most
people
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 see it as something great.
This
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 essay will examine the positive and negative aspects
concerning
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of
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this
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.
Body paragraph 1
Having food available from around the planet is very beneficial in many ways.
Firstly
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,
this
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 opens the possibility of having numerous options. When shopping, there would not be many options to choose from if everything
was
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were
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 local.
For example
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,
instead
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 of only having apples from China as an option, you may have a larger variety.
Secondly
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, everyone would have the same items available. If all countries had the same options in their stores, it would help
people
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 preserve recipes and spread them around the world.
Lastly
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, it leads to economic greatness. Imported goods keep many local goods elastic.
Body paragraph 2
Yet, importing from other areas is disliked
due to
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 innumerable reasons.
First,
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viruses can spread by exporting produce. Shipping produce overseas can go wrong since it is easily contaminated.
This
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 is an issue that frequently occurs.
Second,
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imports are usually expensive to buy. Most of the time, food that
come
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comes
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 from outside
are
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is
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 more expensive
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then
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than
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 what is locally produced, and so it does not fit the
consumers
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consumer's
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 budget.
Finally
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, a majority of outside produce
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not arrive fresh. It is hard to keep stuff from going bad
while
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 going through transmission. To counter
this
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, many companies apply dangerous chemicals.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to acknowledge that there are
without
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, without
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 a doubt
many
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, many
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 negative developments.
However
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, it is easy to see that the positives outweigh the negatives.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph. You say the good points are stronger only at the end, so the reader does not know your main view early.
task response
Explain each main point more. For example, say how food from other places helps people make family meals, and why this is more important than higher prices or less fresh food.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The apple example is not clear: China is a country, but the reader does not know where the other apples come from or why this helps buyers.
task response
Check that each idea is true and clear. "Imported goods keep many local goods elastic" is hard to understand. Say that more choice may make local sellers keep fair prices.
task response
Make the last paragraph match your view. If the good points are stronger, give a short reason why they are stronger than the bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-paragraph plan is clear: an opening, good points, bad points, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the opening state your view.
coherence and cohesion
Give one main idea in each body paragraph. The good-points paragraph has three ideas, but they are very short. Add support after each one, or use fewer ideas and explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
Use links that show the change in ideas. "Firstly", "Secondly", and "Lastly" are useful, but add links such as "For this reason" and "However" to show cause and contrast.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences connect more clearly. For example, after saying food can be less fresh, explain that long travel time can lead firms to use chemicals to keep it good.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very general lines such as "This is an issue that frequently occurs." Say what issue happens, where, and why it matters.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides, and you give a clear final view that the good points are stronger.
task response
You include points that fit the topic, such as more choice, cost, fresh food, and food safety.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph order, and the ending returns to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple signposts such as "Firstly", "Secondly", "Finally", and "In conclusion" to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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