IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that hardened criminals should be sentenced to death. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
More and more people argue that
Use synonyms
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 penalty should be
verdicted
Correct your spelling
imposed
 for serious offenders. From my point of view, the execution of convicts is not
efficiently
Replace the word
an efficient
 way to prevent criminality as it can lead to some negatives.
Body paragraph 1
My primary reason for opposing
this
Linking Words
 idea is that sentencing to
death
Use synonyms
 signifies
disrupting
Replace the word
disruption
 of democracy, so it can
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lead to some injustices in court.
In other words
Linking Words
, the regulations of the country which not governed based on liberalism will cause
executing
Replace the word
the execution
 of innocent individuals after some
times
Check wording
time
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 can be illustrated by states, which have the law of
Use synonyms
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
penalty
Punctuation problem
penalty,
show examples
 have gone out of control
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 verdicts were made to kill people for bending the rules.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 protests often happen in
such
Linking Words
 countries.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is
deffinitly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 possible that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some innocent people are considered
offender
Check wording
offenders
show examples
 and can encounter imprisonment.
This
Linking Words
 means that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 mistakes in court cases are predictable. It is clearly seen in many countries that some crimes were investigated a few years later
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 known that the killer
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 someone else. The
death
Use synonyms
 sentence of
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
 who is not
real
Add an article
a real
show examples
 criminal
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to an irreversible injustice.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, for these reasons, I remain in
this
Linking Words
 opinion that sentencing
hardered
Use the right word
hardened
show examples
 criminals to
death
Use synonyms
 is not the most effective solution for reducing crimes. In my belief, the possibility of wrong and unfair judgment
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
death
Use synonyms
 penalty is not the right step.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say that you disagree, and explain why in one short sentence.
task response
Your two main ideas are clear: death may be unfair, and courts can make mistakes. Develop each idea with a more direct reason and one clear example.
task response
The first body paragraph is hard to understand. Focus on one point: a death sentence cannot be changed if the court is wrong.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real in form. For example, explain that new evidence may show that another person did the crime after an innocent person has been put to death.
task response
Answer the question about serious criminals more fully. You can say that long prison terms can protect the public without taking a life.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, conclusion. Your essay mostly follows this plan, but the first reason needs to stay on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main sentence. Then explain it, give an example, and link it back to your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words such as 'First', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'However' can help, but do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion shorter and clearer. Repeat your view and your two reasons without adding new ideas.
task response
You give a clear overall view against the death penalty and keep this view until the end.
task response
You include two relevant reasons: unfair court decisions and the risk of an innocent person being punished.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Secondly', 'In other words', and 'To conclude' show an effort to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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