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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Th
Correct your spelling
The
 number of youngsters who choose to
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 in work-based training
instead
Linking Words
 of attending
university
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 is growing in various nations.
While
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 the downside of not attending
university
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 is that the individual would not have a general understanding of some subjects, the benefit of being in work-based training is providing you with insights
of
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into
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 the job market needs.
As a result
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, the advantage can totally outweigh the disadvantage.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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, the disadvantage of not owning a
university
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 certificate is having
small
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limited
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 knowledge of their subjects. In
university
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, they would teach students general information about every subject in their
filed
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field
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.
For example
Linking Words
, most universities teach with information
instead
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 of putting pupils in
physical
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a physical
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filed
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field
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 so they can learn from their experience.
Therefore
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,
this
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 can
led
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lead
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 to some students
to graduate
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graduating
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 without
a
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apply
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useful knowledge that can help them in the job market.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, the benefit of work-based training is preparing you
to
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for
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 the job market by letting you have the experience. Work-based training saves time
and
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, and
show examples
 it provides young individuals with
clear
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a clear
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 understanding of their
obligation
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obligations
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 in
real
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a real
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 work environment
helps
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, which helps
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 youngsters.
For instance
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, if a worker faced a
problem
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problem,
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 they would know how to fix it because they have
the
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apply
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prior experience
to
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with
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such
Linking Words
 problems.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the disadvantage of not attending
university
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 would be the lack of general knowledge, the benefit of work-based training can
outweighs
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outweigh
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 it by providing young individuals with
real
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a real
show examples
 work situation
and
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, and
show examples
 that will make the understanding of their obligation easier.

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task response
Your answer gives a clear view: work-based training has more good points than bad points. However, the bad point is not fully clear. University can give more than general knowledge: it can help people get jobs that need a degree, build skills, and meet people in their field. Add these points, then explain why work training is still better overall.
task response
Develop each main idea more. In the first body part, explain what kinds of knowledge students may miss. In the second body part, explain how work training gives skills, work habits, and job links. This will make your view stronger.
task response
Your example is about a worker fixing a problem, which fits your main point. Make it more real and clear. For example, mention a trainee in a shop, office, or repair job who learns to deal with a problem from a customer.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, one bad point, one good point, and ending. Keep this order, but make the link between ideas smoother. Use simple links such as “However”, “Also”, “For this reason”, and “As a result” only when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they have too many ideas or are not complete. For example, “Work-based training saves time and it provides...” should be split into two short sentences. This will make your writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for the main ideas across the essay. For example, choose “work-based training” and “university education”, then use them often. This will help the reader follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear path: topic sentence, explanation, example, and a short final sentence that links back to your view. This will give each paragraph a stronger shape.
task response
You answer the full question and clearly state that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
You choose ideas that are linked to the topic: job experience, job market needs, and knowledge from university.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and ending both show the same main view, so the reader can understand your position.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “Initially”, “Secondly”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” helps show the main parts of the essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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