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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people suggest that sport helps people learn about teamwork, but others say it can encourage them to be too competitive. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

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Introduction
It is suggested that
sports
Use synonyms
 are
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to learn about teamwork,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that competitive
skills
Use synonyms
 can be improved through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
. In my opinion,
sports
Use synonyms
 assist
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
to acquire the
Change preposition
in acquiring
show examples
 knowledge about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
skills
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,
such
Linking Words
 as teamwork and
competitive
Add an article
a competitive
show examples
 approach.
Body paragraph 1
First of all,
masses
Add an article
the masses
show examples
 acquire an opportunity to learn
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to play the
game
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together with
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
coordination.
For example
Linking Words
, I recently participated in the cricket
team
Use synonyms
 of my college
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I got to know
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unity
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the
team
Use synonyms
 members is important to win the match.
As a result
Linking Words
,
team
Use synonyms
 players not only can improve their performance in their
sports
Use synonyms
game
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 in their professional lifestyle.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
,
spirit
Add an article
the spirit
show examples
 of
wining
Correct your spelling
winning
 the
game
Use synonyms
 is always the first priority
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the sportsperson. They perform their duties in the playground with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
energy.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
team
Use synonyms
 leader of my cricket
team
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a competitive
strategies
Check wording
strategy
show examples
 to win the match, which helps the
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
team
Use synonyms
 members to stay motivated
throught out
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the competition.
Consequenlty
Correct your spelling
Consequently
,
this
Linking Words
 approach assists the people to work with
postive
Use the right word
positive
show examples
 desire
that is
Linking Words
 essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success.
Body paragraph 3
In my point of view, these two practical
skills
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 are obtained by joining any kind of
game
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.
Sports
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 play a crucial role
to boost
Change preposition
in boosting
show examples
 the spirit of individuals if they join
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
team
Use synonyms
 for some motive
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Linking Words
also they
Correct word order
they also
show examples
 get to know about the value of good
sportshipman
Correct your spelling
sportsmanship
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
sports
Use synonyms
 offers the folks to learn how to
cordinating
Wrong verb form
coordinate
show examples
 with their teams to perform well during the match.
Also
Linking Words
, competitive
skills
Use synonyms
 can be acquired by playing any sport by following useful strategies, which is build by the
team
Use synonyms
 leader.
Accoording
Correct your spelling
According
 to me, both
parctical
Correct your spelling
practical
skills
Use synonyms
 could be
grabed
Correct your spelling
gained
 by playing as
Use synonyms
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
 player in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, the second side is not fully clear. The question says sport may make people too focused on winning. Explain the bad side: people may feel stress, fight with others, or forget fair play. Then say why you think teamwork and healthy competition can both be learned.
task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You can say that sport teaches teamwork, but it can also make some people care too much about winning if it is not played in a fair way.
task response
Your cricket examples are on the topic and help your ideas. Add one more clear detail to show the result. For example, say how players passed the ball, shared jobs, or helped a weak team member.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, teamwork, competition, your view, and conclusion. To make it easier to read, use one main idea in each body part and explain it before giving the example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not smooth. Use simple linking words with a clear job: “On the one hand” for teamwork, “On the other hand” for the bad side of competition, and “Therefore” for the result.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same point in the last two parts. Your own-view part and conclusion both say that sport teaches both skills. Use the own-view part to explain why, then keep the conclusion short.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear sentences to avoid confusion. For example, change “a team leader of my cricket team have a competitive strategies” to “The leader of my cricket team used clear plans to help us win.”
task response
You answer all parts of the question: teamwork, competition, and your own view.
task response
The cricket examples are relevant and make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs and includes both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “First of all”, “However”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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