IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying altrnative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Recently
Punctuation problem
Recently,
show examples
 more and more people are turning to alternative or traditional
treatment
Use synonyms
methods
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of consulting with a medical specialist.
While
Linking Words
 I do understand the popularity and benefits of traditional medicine, I believe modern medical technologies and the real human diagnosis
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the most efficient
treatment
Use synonyms
 there is.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, traditional
treatment
Use synonyms
 is very accessible - it usually involves some herbs, plants, honey or warm drinks to be taken in order to slow down the fever or treat
inflamation
Correct your spelling
inflammation
.
While
Linking Words
 there are some
well known
Correct your spelling
well-known
 supplements like vitamin C derived from citrus fruits or healing factors of honey, they are likely to be insufficient for serious illnesses.
For example
Linking Words
, traditional
methods
Use synonyms
 might not help with a temperature of 40 degrees, or with viruses - serious medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 is required. Importantly, choosing to cure through traditional
methods
Use synonyms
 might slow down the healing process and empower bacteria or inflamation - causing even more serious consequences for health.
Body paragraph 2
Therefore
Linking Words
, I'm a strong
beliver
Correct your spelling
believer
 in scientifically
proved
Replace the word
proven
treatment
Use synonyms
methods
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
 the importance of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human diagnostics. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 you can cure
sore
Add an article
a sore
show examples
 throat or a running nose yourself, but if you are feeling something more serious, I think it is always best to consult with a doctor.
For example
Linking Words
, I had a really serious issue with my nasal area - I could not
breath
Replace the word
breathe
 well
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I've used nasal sprays for months, slowly getting addicted to them, but not really solving the problem. After consulting with a
doctor
Punctuation problem
doctor,
show examples
 I got a recommendation for antibiotics, which quickly made me feel better and stopped
further
Linking Words
deterrioration
Correct your spelling
deterioration
. If I
haven't
Wrong verb form
hadn't
show examples
 consulted with a doctor, an operation could have been
nesessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
.
Timely
Add an article
A timely
show examples
 appointment helped prevent it.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, I do believe there are cases where alternative medicine can be useful - especially
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if the illness is not severe.
However
Linking Words
, from my personal perspective, it is always advisable to contact a medical
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 to prevent serious illness from spreading,
as well as
Linking Words
 more risky and
interventory
Correct your spelling
invasive
treatment
Use synonyms
methods
Use synonyms
, like surgery.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep it through the essay. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why some people choose other care, such as cost, fear, or easy access. Then show why these reasons may not be safe for all health problems.
task response
Your main idea is clear: home care may help with small problems, but a doctor is needed for serious illness. Be careful with very strong claims. Instead of saying that all other care is not enough, say that it should not take the place of a doctor for serious health issues.
task response
The personal story is useful and fits your view well. Make the link to the main question more direct by saying that the delay in seeing a doctor could have made the health problem worse.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one main point about other care, one main point about doctors, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences in the first body part are long and hold many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so each cause and result is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more exact way. For example, use “However” before the limit of home care, “As a result” before the health risk, and “For this reason” before your final view. This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “serious” and “treatment” too often. You can use simple words such as “major,” “medical care,” “help,” or “health problem” when the meaning stays clear.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a balanced view: other care can help in small cases, but seeing a doctor is safer for major health problems.
task response
Your example about the nasal problem is clear, real, and well connected to your main view. It helps show why early doctor care can matter.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main job, and the conclusion clearly returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand,” “For example,” “Therefore,” and “To sum up” help guide the reader through your ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: