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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the government money spent on supporting artists of all kinds, such as painters, musicians, and poets, should be spent on more important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
It is argued whether governmental budgets should be allocated to support various artistic groups, like painters, musicians and writers, or if there are more pressing issues to be covered.
While
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
 is important and needs to be backed, I believe in some
countries
Use synonyms
more
Punctuation problem
, more
show examples
 extensive budgets are required for life-supporting infrastructure like health, safety, education and other social needs. The ratio of the investments into the culture would depend on the
overal
Correct your spelling
overall
development
Use synonyms
 level of a specific country.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
art
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 is an important part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social life and a way for people to express their feelings, political and social positions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 raise issues.
Undoubtebly
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
,
he
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 value of
art
Use synonyms
 is immense, and a lot of states invest significant resources into museums,
art
Use synonyms
 galleries, cultural events and the creative industry
development
Use synonyms
. Typically, those
countries
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 are developed and economically stable.
For example
Linking Words
,
European
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the European
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 Union and
United
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the United
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 States are among the biggest investors into arts, create the best conditions for talents and are always at the centre of international cultural events.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are territories with
lower
Add an article
a lower
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 quality of life, serious safety issues, high poverty, lack of food, clean water or access to medicine. Logically, the budget of those
countries
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 is invested
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the most important and life-supporting institutions.
For example
Linking Words
, African
countries
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 would rather purchase inventory for schools, build new hospitals and import
high quality
Correct your spelling
high-quality
 medical appliances than spend on
culture
Replace the word
cultural
 and
Use synonyms
art
Replace the word
artistic
 needs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
Use synonyms
countries
Correct determiner usage
such countries
show examples
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
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, it is more likely for artists, poets and musicians to receive private sponsorship, rather than state
budgeting
Use the right word
funding
show examples
.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, I believe
art
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
 is essential, but comes after the life-supporting services are well covered.
While
Linking Words
 developed
countries
Use synonyms
 might invest more into the cultural scene, it is crucial for the developing
countries
Use synonyms
 to allocate budgets to medicine, education, safety and the
overall
Linking Words
 quality of life. Artists might opt for private sponsorships and local businesses' support
instead
Linking Words
 of state budgeting, and, in my view, it is the right prioritisation.

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task response
Your view is clear: art matters, but health, safety, and schools should come first where basic needs are not met. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully how public support for art can still help poor countries, for example through jobs, travel, or local events.
task response
Be careful with broad claims about whole areas. Saying that African countries would choose one plan can sound too general. Use softer language, such as “some lower-income countries”, and give one clear, real example if possible.
task response
Your examples fit the main idea, but they need more detail. Explain exactly how a museum, music event, school, or hospital affects people and why that makes it a better use of public money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear plan: introduction, one point for art, one point for basic needs, and a conclusion. Keep this strong order in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are clear, such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”. Add a few more simple links inside each paragraph, such as “This means that”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”, so the ideas flow more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one direct main idea, then give an explanation and one example. This will help the reader follow your point without having to guess the link.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word errors that may slow the reader down, such as “overall”, “the value of art”, and “Undoubtedly”. Clear and correct wording will make the links between ideas easier to see.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear, balanced view rather than only repeating the topic.
task response
The main points are relevant: art has social value, while health, food, water, safety, and education may need public money first.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your main view, and the final paragraph returns to it in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
The two body paragraphs have different roles, so the reader can easily see both sides of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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