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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that international sporting events are the ideal opportunity to show the world the qualities of the hosting nation. Others believe that these events are mainly a large unjustifiable expense. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
More and more
people
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 think that spending large amounts of money on international sports is crucial,
while
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 other
people
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 would not agree with
this
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 opinion. From my perspective, both opinions are equally important for two reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that international
events
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 have the ability to improve the cultural aspect by attracting
people
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 from around the world. The argument is that tourists will learn local culture by visiting local museums that are located near these
events
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, which leads to spreading the values and histories of the country.
This
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 approach results in many educated and harmonious
people
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, ultimately leading to an increase in cultural exchange between countries. A study conducted by the Department of Social Sciences at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 75% of tourists who came for a sporting event have learned the most important values and traditions of that country.
Therefore
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, the outcomes of the cultural system will be improved
due to
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 the presence of
this
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 strategy.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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, I am convinced that these famous
events
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 are able to cost the government a lot of money in funding and preparing the convenient projects. What I mean is that
this
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 kind of project needs money and time to be prepared, allowing them to do a feasibility study to determine the needed resources.
This
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 study will increase prices of products and services, which in turn may not cover the cost of these projects.
For instance
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, Brazil has hosted the World Cup, and the revenues generated were not enough to cover the costs.
As a result
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, the economy will deteriorate if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 international
events
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 can spread the culture and traditions of the country, the economic aspect will suffer
due to
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 high funding rates and low profits.

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task response
State your own view more clearly in the first paragraph. You say both sides are equally important, but the question asks how far you agree or disagree. Say if you agree that sport events are a good way to show a country, or if you think the cost is too high.
task response
Answer the main idea more directly. The first body paragraph is about culture, but explain more clearly how this shows the good qualities of the host country, such as its people, history, safety, or ability to plan big events.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear link to the question. For example, explain who pays for new roads and stadiums, why the cost may be too high, and when the money could be better used for schools or hospitals.
task response
Use examples that are clear and fully explained. The Brazil example is useful, but give one clear result, such as empty stadiums, debt, or less money for public needs. Avoid studies with exact facts unless you can explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending. Make the link between ideas smoother. In the first body paragraph, the move from museums to "educated and harmonious people" is too fast. Show each step in a simple way.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first paragraph should focus on how visitors see the host country. The second should focus on cost and money. Remove or change ideas that do not fit, such as the part about a study causing higher prices.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. "What I mean is" and "This approach results in" are often not needed. Short, direct links such as "For example", "As a result", and "However" will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ending match your view. At present, it lists both sides but does not clearly say which side is stronger. End by restating your choice in one direct sentence.
task response
You discuss both the good side and the cost side of hosting world sport events. This shows that you understand the two views in the question.
task response
The ideas about visitors learning about local culture and governments paying large costs are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts, such as "First of all", "Conversely", "For instance", and "In conclusion", to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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