IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is very important to get a university education. Others feel we should encourage more young people to take up a trade such as plumbing, painting or building to ensure a good balance of skills in our society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Introduction
In today’s world, some people believe that getting a
university
Use synonyms
 education is important,
while
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 others believe that more teenagers should learn
skills
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such
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 as plumbing, painting or building to keep a balance in our society. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both approaches thoroughly
,
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apply
show examples
 and give my perspective on
this
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 topic.
Body paragraph 1
Universities are essential for high school students, because they give them the highest degree in education.
Although
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skills
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 and
experience
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 are important, employers choose their employees mainly because of their degrees.
For instance
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, if a service worker works in a bank and does not have a degree in
finances
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finance
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 and economics, he cannot be promoted to a bank manager.
Therefore
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is essential for all students to gain knowledge about the job they want to have in the future, and the best way to achieve
that is
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 to go to
university
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. Based on my own
experience
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, a good lecturer can provide you with knowledge that you cannot unearth from other sources.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are some people who prefer to improve their
skills
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like
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, like
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 building
,
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and
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 drawing
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instead
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, instead
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 of studying extra years in
university
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. From their perspective, universities do not play a significant role in getting a job. For
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
skills
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 and
experience
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 are more important than the information from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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an academic institution.
For instance
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, to be a gardener or a farmer does require
an
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apply
show examples
experience
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not
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, not
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 a
university
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 degree. A friend of mine, who did not graduate from
university
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, is a professional hairdresser who earns an above-average salary.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both obtaining a
university
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 education and mastering vocational
skills
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 have their own advantages. For some people,
skills
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such
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 as plumbing and gardening are good to develop
instead
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 of attending
university
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 studies.
However
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, I believe that studying at
university
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial as it provides academic knowledge
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is essential for better career opportunities.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain why society needs both kinds of workers, not only why university can help one person get a job.
task response
Some claims are too broad. For example, employers do not always choose workers mainly because of degrees. Say that this is often true for jobs such as banking, medicine, or law, but not for every job.
task response
Develop the trade side more fully. Explain that plumbers, builders, and painters are needed every day, can start work early, and help meet a real need in towns and cities.
task response
Your examples are useful, but make the bank example more exact. A worker may be able to move up through work and training as well as a degree. This will make your point more fair.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link to the question about a balance of skills clearer in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words with care: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not use too many, and make sure each one shows the right link.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are unclear or have small word problems. For example, write “skills such as building and painting” rather than “skills like building, drawing”. Also write “an academic institution”, not “the an academic institution”.
coherence and cohesion
Leave a space after full stops, such as in “studies. However”. This makes the writing easier to read.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss university, trade work, and state your own opinion.
task response
You use real-life examples, including banking and a hairdresser. These help show your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are easy to follow because each body part focuses on one view.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction tells the reader what the essay will do, and your ending gives a clear final view.
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