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Band 4.5

Some people think that robots are very important for human’s future development. Others, however, think that robots are a dangerous invention that could have negative effect on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
The issue of whether
if
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apply
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the benefits of
robots
Use synonyms
 can
outweighs
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outweigh
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 the negative
effect
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effects
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 on individuals live's has attracted considerable attention in recent years.
Whith
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With
 all perspectives on
this
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 matter
vary
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varying
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, I clearly
stantd
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stand
 with
it
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the
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 massive effect on our future.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, one compelling argument is that
this
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 kind of technology makes our daily
life
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lives
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 easier.
This
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 is largely because nowadays it
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a significant role in
this
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 generation
basices tasxes
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basics tasks
.
For instance
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, an
eaxample
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example
 of
this
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 can be seen in the previous housewives who face a struggle
durrning
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during
 the
house worke
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housework
such
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 as washing the
laondary
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laundry
, floors, dishes and ironing.
Therefore
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, they spend the whole day
long
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apply
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doing
this
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works
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work
. But with the new
robots
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 presented, they help finish the work faster
as
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and as
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perfect
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perfectly
 as it should be.
As a result
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, by holding the
heavey
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heavy
 weight from
individuals
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individuals'
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 shoulders, they get to have healthey lifestayle and
foucus
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focus
 on the most essential
thinges
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things
 to keep their mentalhealth apear forward.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others
believes
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believe
show examples
 that it have negative
affect
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effect
show examples
 on society. A growing body of evidence
suggstes
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suggests
 that the youngest generation will be more
reliable
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reliant
show examples
 on the AI devises which may
helps
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help
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 to
upward
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increase
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 the
persentage
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percentage
 of
having an over-weight
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being overweight
,
due to
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 their less movement.
Also
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, another
signficant
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significant
 factor is that
this
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 cause an air
polotion
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pollution
 which helps
extinction
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to extinguish
 some
speasies
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species
 of animals. An
illustratin
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illustration
 of
this
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 can be seen in a recent study have been made on students in schools
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,
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which result a considerable anger
of
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from
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 teachers who
notest
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noted
 that most of teanagers used
robots
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 to solve their
assignment, homeworks
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assignments, homework,
show examples
 and exams.
Consequntly
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Consequently
, they grow up with
unresponsable atitude
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irresponsible attitude
.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
althought
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although
 the
robots
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 have
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 impact on
society
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society's
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 future,
it
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they
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 play an essential role to develop community. Given all substantials evident presented, it is reasonable to anticipate that
this
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 technology can be the most
benefit
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beneficial
 thing in the future, if we keep using it with supervised by a human being and limit
the
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apply
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access to make sure it
used
Verb problem
is used
show examples
 in the right way.

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task response
Answer both views in a more even way. Explain why robots help people, then explain clearly why some people fear them. Give your own view in one clear sentence in the first paragraph and again at the end.
task response
Use more exact ideas. For example, robots can do hard or unsafe jobs, help old people, and save time. On the other side, they may take jobs, make people less active, or be used in harmful ways.
task response
Make sure each example proves the point before it. The school example is about AI doing school work, but it does not strongly show that robots cause air pollution or harm animals. Use a closer example for each point.
task response
Avoid claims that are too broad, such as robots causing the end of animal life. Explain how a robot may cause a problem, and give a real or likely case.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph focus on only one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words carefully: 'First', 'For example', 'As a result', 'However', and 'In conclusion'. Do not add many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form and grammar problems. Write shorter sentences with a clear subject and verb. For example: 'Robots help people finish housework more quickly.'
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words through the essay. Choose 'robots' or 'AI' when you mean one idea, and do not move between them without saying how they are linked.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of robots and give your own view.
task response
The housework example is useful because it shows how robots may save time and reduce hard work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear basic order: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as 'For instance', 'On the other hand', and 'To sum up'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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