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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition totheir main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
With the vast
availabilty
Correct your spelling
availability
 of knowladge lot of university students engage with differnet
subject
Use synonyms
 other than their main
subjects
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
are
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apply
show examples
argue that
student
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students
show examples
 must
forcus
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focus
 only
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 main
subjects
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; that helps them to be expert on their
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sectors
Check wording
fields
show examples
. But another group of
people
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 raised different
openions
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opinions
 than that; learning about
differant
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different
subjects
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 will
be benifit
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benefit
show examples
 them later by
appling
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applying
 those
skills
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 into differant
sectors
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. I personally
belive
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believe that
 with the
changes
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 of requirments of current
job
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 industries
learning
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, learning
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
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 additional
subject
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 will be benifits them strongly in
there
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their
show examples
 careers.
Body paragraph 1
Few
Add an article
A few
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 years
back
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back,
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 we
know
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knew
show examples
people
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 who
master
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mastered
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 one
subject
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 area
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 find a
job
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 within that sector without
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 any effort. But things
were
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 changed
now a days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
. Traditional
job
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 adding additional
skills
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for
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, for
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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instance
someone
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, someone
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has
Correct pronoun usage
who has
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 agriculture qualifications
they
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apply
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should have computer literacy
Linking Words
along
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, along
show examples
 with that
to
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, to
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 deal with modern agricultural aspects. Not only
that there are
Correct word order
are there
show examples
 plenty of
sectors
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 that
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 different
skills
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 that
dose
Use the right word
do
show examples
 not need in the past. Learning additional
skills
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 will
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
help them in the future
with
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in
show examples
 many ways
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as career
imporvement
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improvement
,
appling
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applying
 different
skills
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into
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in
show examples
 completely diferent area and
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
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 results efficianlty can be
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 as examples.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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,
We
Fix capitalization
we
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 can see some
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job
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jobs
show examples
 reducing their demand and
start expiring
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starting to expire
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
instance
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instance,
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 with the latest AI and its appliences some technical jobs
Linking Words
such
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, such
show examples
 as software developments makes lesser value than before. Companies oftenly tires to hire
less number of
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
people
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 compared to past trends
of
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for
show examples
 those jobs. That
because
Verb problem
is because
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
AI do most of the work that few employees
does
Verb problem
can do it
show examples
 faster and
less
Change preposition
at less
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 cost. But
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 many other
sectors
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 opened in
technology
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the technology
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 sector
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such
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, such
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 as AI engineers , ML engineers
etc
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, etc
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. Those
changes
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not
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do not
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happend
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happen
 in
day
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the day
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 night.
People
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 saw
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 trends
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 and
ready
Verb problem
are ready
show examples
 for
changes
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. Those who learn those
subjects
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additonally
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in addition
 to
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 main
subject
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 areas were suvived with in the industry.
This
Linking Words
 applies to other
secotors
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sectors
 as well.
Conclusion
Fianlly
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Finally
, with the rapid change of current world
requirments
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requirements
 and demands
individuals
Punctuation problem
, individuals
show examples
 must
ready
Verb problem
be ready
show examples
 for
changes
Use synonyms
.
For that
Correct word choice
While
show examples
while
Linking Words
 learning main
subject
Use synonyms
 areas, gaining a differnet
skills
Use synonyms
 will be benifits them
lot
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to face the
changes
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain why some students should focus only on their main subject, such as the need for deep skill, hard exams, and limited study time. Then explain why learning other subjects can help. Your own view is clear, but the first view is too short.
task response
Make your main ideas more exact. For example, say that an agriculture student can learn basic computer use to work with farm data. Explain how this helps the student get better work or do the job well.
task response
Be careful with the AI example. Saying that software jobs have less value is too broad. A better point is that AI changes some work, so workers may need new skills. Give a clear, real link between this point and university study.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction; reasons to focus on the main subject; reasons to study other subjects; conclusion with your view. This will help the reader follow both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “Focusing on one subject can make students highly skilled.” Then add an example and explain it before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words in a careful way: “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In contrast”. Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. Use “main subject” and “other subjects” throughout, instead of changing often between “skills”, “sectors”, and “areas” when you mean the same thing.
task response
Your opinion is clear: students should learn an extra subject because work needs can change.
task response
You use useful examples about agriculture, computers, and AI to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Furthermore”, “For instance”, and “Finally”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • broaden
  • employability
  • interpersonal skills
  • mastery
  • academic standards
  • interdisciplinary
  • enriched learning experience
  • governmental processes
  • climate policy
  • efficient study habits
  • specialized skills
  • qualified practitioners
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