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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to secure a good job. Others believe that employers value work experience more than a university degree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that a certificate from colleges is the best way to secure a good position in workplaces.
However
Linking Words
, others think that workers' past
experiences
Use synonyms
 about work outweigh college
degrees
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. Personally, populations have been increasing and
also
Linking Words
 students with
degrees
Use synonyms
 from various colleges who need to get
jobs
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.
This
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 can make some
companies
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to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
look for
Use synonyms
experiences
Check wording
experience
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of their
degrees
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. For
this
Linking Words
 situation,
Use synonyms
experiences
Check wording
experience
show examples
 can be better in hiring than anything else.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, certificates can give
people
Use synonyms
 good
jobs
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 even if its afterward. Some firms offer
people
Use synonyms
 with
degrees
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 a
temporarily
Replace the word
temporary
 training period with underpaying salaries. Surely,
this
Linking Words
 would not happen
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if they did not have relevant
degrees
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 for these
companies
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.
For example
Linking Words
, hospitals that offer
this
Linking Words
 training for
people
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 who
are
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 graduated from
medicine
Replace the word
medical
 universities. Afterwards, if they finished
this
Linking Words
 period, they would have a long-term
positions
Check wording
position
show examples
 with normal salaries. So, certificates can guarantee long-term
jobs
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 for students
event
Use the right word
even
show examples
 if it is
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
population
Add an article
the population
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 have been increasing
parallel
Change preposition
in parallel
show examples
 with
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people
Check wording
the number of people
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 who are enrolling in college fields.
Linking Words
Then
Punctuation problem
Then,
show examples
people
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 after graduation may search for
jobs
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.
Companies
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 may
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 a lot of applications
year
Use synonyms
 by
year
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 from those
people
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. So, some
companies
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 can hire
people
Use synonyms
 who have relevant
experiences
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 to their work. Those
people
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 with
Use synonyms
experiences
Check wording
experience
show examples
 can be
unique
Rephrase
more unique
show examples
 than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 who have only a degree.
Companies
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 that do
this
Linking Words
 can benefit from their past
experiences
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 to implement them in their workplaces.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 makes them filter the high numbers of applicants that
increasing
Verb problem
are increasing
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 by
year
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 to chose who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 different
than other
Change preposition
from others
show examples
.
Conclusion
In my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
people
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 who had been working beforehand
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 would have been able to guarantee work
than
Rephrase
more than
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
numbers
Check wording
the number
show examples
 of populations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing
year
Use synonyms
 by
year
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
numbers
Check wording
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who have
degrees
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, make your main view more clear in the first paragraph. Say if work experience is more important, or if both are needed.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why a degree helps people do well at work, and why experience helps a company from the first day.
task response
Your hospital example is useful, but make it more exact. For example, say that doctors need a degree because the job needs special knowledge and care.
task response
Avoid ideas that are too wide, such as population growth. Focus more on the link between many job seekers, degrees, skills, and what companies need.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, other side, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the opening shorter and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. For example: 'A university degree is important for jobs that need special training.'
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as 'because', 'for example', 'however', 'as a result', and 'therefore'. Do not repeat 'So' and 'Then' too often.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure words agree: use 'population is' or 'populations are'; use 'other people' rather than 'other'; and use 'experience' when you mean work done in the past.
coherence and cohesion
End with a full final view. State clearly why experience is more useful in many jobs, while degrees are still needed for some jobs.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you write about degrees, work experience, and your own view.
task response
The hospital training example helps show how a degree can lead to a long-term job.
coherence and cohesion
The use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' makes the two views easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, which gives the essay a clear order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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