IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relation is better. What do you think?

6.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is a common debate about the relationship between a student and a teacher.
While
Linking Words
 some people tend to believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should be afraid of their
teachers
Use synonyms
, others think that a calm, relaxed atmosphere should be present between them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both views before explaining why I believe
teachers
Use synonyms
 play the role of mentors and buddies for their
students
Use synonyms
 rather than individuals they are afraid of talking to.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, strictness often takes place in the learning process.
Teachers
Use synonyms
 often try to hide their emotions when talking to
students
Use synonyms
 to avoid any manipulations based on them.
For example
Linking Words
, in many universities, the grading process is anonymous , and one can't know who evaluated their essay.
As a result
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 can't judge the particular tutor for being rude or demanding.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 causes lower trust between
students
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
, as they can not effectively communicate their fears, wins and losses.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a friendly atmosphere helps to develop
students
Use synonyms
' creativity and curiosity. Numerous studies showed that people tend to be more proactive when
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in a healthy society.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 logic,
teachers
Use synonyms
 should create
such
Linking Words
 atmoshpere, where
students
Use synonyms
 can ask open questions, propose solutions and learn something in
this
Linking Words
 way.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 I understand the belief of some people about
students
Use synonyms
' fear
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their tutors, I tend to believe that a friendly, calm atmosphere helps to build a stronger connection between them. When both sides understand and believe each other, the process of learning becomes more enjoyable.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view more direct. Say clearly that a kind but firm teacher is best, not only a friendly teacher. This gives a more full answer to both sides.
task response
Develop the first main point more. Explain how fear may make students listen or follow rules, then explain why this harm is greater than that good.
task response
Use an example that fits school life more closely. The example about secret marking at university does not clearly show that students are afraid of teachers.
task response
Explain your ideas with one more step. For example, say that students who feel safe can ask for help, so they find and fix their weak points sooner.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link from strict teachers to fear clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with a clear point sentence. For example: “Fear may help teachers keep order, but it can also stop students from speaking.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to show the path of your ideas: “First,” “For this reason,” “However,” and “As a result.” Do not use too many of them.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the people in the essay. Choose “teachers” and “students” most of the time, rather than changing to “tutors” or “individuals.”
task response
You answer both views and give your own view clearly in the start and the ending.
task response
Your point about a kind class helping students ask questions and share ideas is useful and on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main idea has its own part.
coherence and cohesion
The ending brings your main view back and gives a clear final message about learning.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: