IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Even though globalization affects the worlds economics in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There are many ideas on how
Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 affects different
countries
Use synonyms
 worldwide.
Although
Linking Words
 it could financially improve some
countries
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 could play a significant role in damaging
it’s
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 market as well.
Body paragraph 1
Many people hold the opinion
of how positive
Correct word order
that globalisation could be positive
show examples
globalization
Use synonyms
 could be for a country. It is understandable that, in fact,
Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 could boost international markets, amplifying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to foreign
products
Use synonyms
.
As well as
Linking Words
 that,
globalized
Change the spelling
globalised
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 share common grounds in exchanging cultural meaning through the introduction of international shops,
products
Use synonyms
 and other amenities.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 possible to find international food in the supermarket, reducing the gap between places through accessibility.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 could be extremely dangerous to a country’s culture. If we think about the case of Thailand and other Southeast Asian
countries
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, they’ve been bombarded with foreign
products
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it can be seen how the country is assimilating those into their traditional culture. That could destroy a country`s essence.
Body paragraph 3
In addition
Linking Words
, competition could be exacerbated by opening national markets to international
products
Use synonyms
. I agree that
Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 can weaken internal markets by expanding accessibility too.
For example
Linking Words
, imagine a local restaurant competing with international chains
such
Linking Words
 as
McDonalds
Check wording
McDonald's
show examples
 or Burger King. It is almost impossible to
image
Verb problem
imagine
show examples
 how local farmers and producers could survive against
such
Linking Words
 powerful and rich industries.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 can bring many positive points that can improve the development of a country, it
definitely can
Correct word order
can definitely
show examples
 mitigate important cultural symbols and destroy national competitiveness by supporting international business.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides, so you answer the main task. To make your view stronger, explain more clearly why the good side matters for a country, such as more jobs, more trade, or lower prices.
task response
Your examples are useful, but some need more support. For the Thailand example, say what kind of foreign goods or habits may change local life. For the local restaurant example, explain how lower prices and large ads may cause it to lose customers.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the topic. The point about culture is relevant, but link it more directly to the effect of globalization on a country and its economy.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, good side, bad sides, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, after the point about foreign food, add a sentence that shows why this is good for people or businesses.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not fully clear. In “globalization could play a significant role in damaging it’s market,” say whose market you mean and how it is damaged.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “for example” too often. You can also use “such as,” “one case is,” or give the example without a linking phrase.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and small grammar points, as they sometimes affect the flow. Write “its market,” not “it’s market,” and “nowadays, it is possible,” not “nowadays is possible.”
task response
You give a balanced answer by showing benefits, such as access to foreign goods, and risks, such as harm to local businesses and culture.
task response
The example of a small local restaurant facing large food chains is clear and closely linked to your point about competition.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader understand your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion returns to both main negative points and gives a clear final view.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: