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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

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Introduction
The context is about the trend of younger generations leaving the
countryside
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 to live in cities and towns,
while
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old
Correct word choice
older
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people
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 live in the
countryside
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine what are the possible problems caused by
this
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 issue
,
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apply
show examples
 and what worldwide
governments
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 and citizens should do to tackle these problems.
Body paragraph 1
One of the consequences coming from
this
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 issue is urban concentration and
overcrowded
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an overcrowded
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city
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, as young
people
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 immigrate to the
city
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, contributing to the high proportion of population
in particular
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 regions.
As a result
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 of overcrowding, there will be
the
Correct article usage
a
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 smaller number of green spaces
due to
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 the upcoming areas which are used for accommodation and enhanced
people
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 facilities,
such
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 as parks, central business
centre
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centres
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, department stores or any other. A lower percentage of green spaces
,
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apply
show examples
leading
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leads
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 to
the
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apply
show examples
environmental issues in the
city
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, especially the effect called “Urban Heat Island”
which
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, which
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 increases the temperature inside the area.
Body paragraph 2
The strategies to resolve the emigration
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 decentralisation, in which
governments
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 should take more responsibility to balance the growth between
urban
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the urban
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 and
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. The examples of methods are that they should
incentivize
Change the spelling
incentivise
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 citizens to move back to the rural area,
such
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 as encouraging the private company to invest in the business sector by reducing taxes,
creating
Correct word choice
and creating
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 job opportunities for the local
people
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.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the
governments
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 should
subsidize
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subsidise
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 the uniqueness of each field through tourism
like
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, like
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 the natural attractions, native culture and local food
to
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, to
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 attract tourists to visit. Resulting in the growth in economic income and development of the
countryside
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,
this
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 will motivate younger
people
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 to move back to work in the
countryside
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, the issue is that the younger generation
emigrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
emigrates
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 to the
city
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, leading to multiple consequences from overcrowding,
while
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governments
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 should primarily respond and resolve the problems through practical strategies to decentralise the development.

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task response
You answer both parts: problems and ways to solve them. However, give more than one clear problem. For example, explain how fewer young workers can hurt farms, local shops, and care for old people.
task response
Develop each main idea further. After saying cities become too crowded, explain how this affects homes, travel, jobs, and daily life. Then give a clear result.
task response
Your solution ideas are useful, but make the link clearer: better jobs, schools, health care, and internet in rural areas can give young people strong reasons to stay or return.
task response
Use one simple, real example in each body paragraph. For instance, a tax cut may help a company open a small factory in a rural town and hire local young people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, problem, solution, and ending. Keep this shape, but begin each body paragraph with one direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter. A few long sentences contain many ideas, so the meaning is hard to follow. State one idea, explain it, then give its result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Phrases such as 'As a result', 'In addition', and 'For example' can guide the reader, but make sure the next sentence truly shows that link.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words like 'this issue', 'any other', and 'each field' when a more exact word is possible. Clear words help the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You deal with both the causes of the problem and possible action by governments and businesses.
task response
The idea of bringing jobs and tourism to rural areas is relevant and practical.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to see, and the final paragraph gives a clear summary.
coherence and cohesion
You use cause-and-result links, such as people moving to cities leading to crowding and less green space.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural exodus
  • workforce decline
  • social services
  • cultural erosion
  • economic stagnation
  • depopulation
  • infrastructure burden
  • generational gap
  • policy interventions
  • economic diversification
  • rural infrastructure
  • community-based projects
  • mobile healthcare
  • communal ties
  • incentive schemes
  • urban influx
  • village abandonment
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