IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

In the future, the main resean for going to shoping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree.

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There is no denying the fact that shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 are very important.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 will be for only entertainment in
upcoming
Add an article
the upcoming
show examples
 years, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
this
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 topic and express my opinion.
To begin
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 with, I strongly disagree that shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 will be dedicated only
for
Change preposition
to
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 entertainment
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 shopping. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
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 shopping rather than joy when they are going to
malls
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.
For example
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, in Saudi Arabia, there are future plans to build
malls
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 in all Saudi cities, as there is a huge demand. People prefer to shop physically
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and spend
much
Correct determiner usage
a lot of
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 time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping.
However
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, the majority
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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families
Punctuation problem
families,
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 love to spend time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both shopping and
to entertain
Wrong verb form
entertaining
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 their children. Because
malls
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 are prepared to buy products from stores,
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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 to enjoy the time in playing areas.

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task response
Your view is clear: you disagree. However, the essay is too short and does not fully answer the question. Add a full second body paragraph with another reason, such as the need to see, try, or compare things before buying.
task response
The question asks about the main reason people will go to malls in the future. Keep talking about the future, not only about what people do now. Explain why shopping will still be the main reason in the years to come.
task response
Your Saudi Arabia example is on topic, but make it more clear. Say how new malls show that people will still need places to buy things, not only places to have fun.
task response
Add a short ending that repeats your view and your two main reasons. This will make your answer feel complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening and one main paragraph, but it needs more clear parts: an opening, two body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give an example and explain how it supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the flow of ideas: “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “However,” and “In the end.” Do not use too many in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are joined in long sentences. Make them shorter. For example: “Malls are places where people buy things. They also have play areas for children.”
task response
You clearly state that you disagree, and you keep this view in the main paragraph.
task response
You use a real example from Saudi Arabia, which helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will do, and the main paragraph begins with a clear view.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “To begin with,” “For example,” and “However.”
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relying heavily on
  • transforming
  • consumer behavior
  • shift
  • virtual
  • convenience
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • retail landscape
  • evolving
  • diversifying
  • leisure activities
  • amenities
  • socializing
  • shopaholic
  • impulse buying
  • concessions
  • window shopping
  • consumer preferences
  • entertainment options
  • browse
  • e-commerce
  • online retailers
  • convenient
  • carousel
  • movie theater
  • food court
  • bowling alley
  • arcade
  • play area
  • shopping spree
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