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Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subject in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studing for a qualification. Discuss both these v

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Introduction
A few university students are required to earn another kind of knowledge
besides
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 their main subjects.
While
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 others just want to practice their important academic courses rather than watch a new lesson. In
this
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 essay, I will write about both sides , which means I will not write
this
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 on one side.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are many
reason
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reasons
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 that other students
wants
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want
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 to learn new lessons. One of the simple reasons is that they might be stressed from their main lesson , which can lead them into deep depression. That negative cause can lead them into self-harm that stems from those lessons and exams. Even though they got a lot of free time, their assessment and assignments will never get out of their heads. So, with that other type of class, they will forget those lectures just for a moment and can relax their brains and
can
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improve their performance more positively.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 many negative causes that can affect their academic performance,
such
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 as not being able to focus on their main subject because of other classes. That might add more academic pressure to them.
Moreover
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, maybe that will
also
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 add stress to them, because they have to focus on every class on their timetable . Even though they can maintain their every lecture or assignments it will add extra heavy duty and can cause them more despair than making it easier for them.
Conclusion
Overall
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, adding a new seminar will not be an easy thing , as it will cause many harmful consequences to the students.But
,
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apply
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 if those new lessons are not stressful to them,
it
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they
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 can develop their other skills.

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task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain why some students choose other subjects, such as gaining useful work skills or finding a new interest. Then explain why others focus only on their main subject, such as saving time and doing better in final exams.
task response
Give a clear opinion in the last paragraph. At present, you say both choices can have good and bad points, but your own view is not clear. State which choice is best, or say it depends on the student and the course.
task response
Use more direct examples. For example, a science student may study business to help start a company, while a medical student may need to focus only on a hard main course.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each main part state the main idea more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat stress, pressure, and harm. Add different reasons instead of saying the same point in many ways. This will make each paragraph stronger and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple, clear words. For example: "This is because...", "As a result...", "For example...", and "However...". Do not use "Even though" when the next idea is not a contrast.
coherence and cohesion
Make the introduction closer to the question. Do not say students are required to learn another subject, because the question says some students want to do this. Also, avoid saying what you will write; give the two views directly.
task response
You cover both sides of the topic: learning other subjects and giving full time to the main subject.
coherence and cohesion
The use of "On the one hand", "On the other hand", and "Overall" helps the reader see the main parts of your essay.
task response
You show an understanding that extra classes can help some students relax and build other skills.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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