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Writing Samples
Band 3

average standart of people's heath is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
I
completley
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree that viruses and illnesses are going to be more effective against the human body. I used to work at hospitals
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I saw how fast viruses are developing, it was a scary thing, and how the
standar
Correct your spelling
standard
 of
health
Use synonyms
 is decreasing.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the main reason behind that deterioration is Individuals' eating habits ,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 I have read a study
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 University
Collage
Correct your spelling
College
 London saying
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that 69% of
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 issues
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 from their
food
Use synonyms
 consumption.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
 is not the only cause
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
also
Linking Words
, air and water pollution
contain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
account for the remaining 31%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, junk and greasy
food
Use synonyms
 are less expensive than healthy
food
Use synonyms
, people would rather not
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
pay double
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of a meal to eat
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 untasty and
not
Correct word choice
unhealthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
health
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 leaves people most of the time unsatisfied.
Body paragraph 2
Admittedly, some might argue that medical advancements could enhance
humans
Correct word choice
human
show examples
 disease resistance
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that rapid evolution of pathogens and poor lifestyles pose a far greater threat to public
health
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
stander
Check wording
standards
show examples
 will continue to decrease, unless lifestyle habits change.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 individuals improve their eating habits and adopt modern technology, they can significantly enhance their
bodies
Check wording
body's
show examples
 resistance.
Therefore
Linking Words
, combining a healthy diet with advanced
health
Use synonyms
 solutions will likely increase
overall
Linking Words
 immunity.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph: say that you agree that people's health will be worse in the future. Then keep this same view in every part of the essay.
task response
Explain your two main causes more fully. For food, show how cheap fast food can lead to weight gain, heart problems, and poor health. For air and water, explain how they can harm people over many years.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. The study about food is not explained enough, and the numbers do not show where they came from. A simple real-life example would be better.
task response
Your last paragraph goes against your main view. You say health will get worse, but then say health solutions will likely increase health. Explain that these steps may help, but they may not be enough for most people.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: first paragraph for your view, one paragraph about food, one paragraph about pollution and illness, then a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Do not put food, pollution, price, taste, and illness all in one long paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'Because of this', and 'In the end'. Make sure each link shows the right reason or result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
task response
You give a clear view at the start and stay mainly focused on the future of public health.
task response
You include useful causes, such as poor food, pollution, and new illnesses.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a beginning, body paragraph, and ending, so the reader can see the basic shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show another view about new health care before giving your own view again.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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