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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness

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Some
people
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 think that
money
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 is one of the most essential
factors
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 in promoting
happiness
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.Do you think
people
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 can be happy without much
money
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? What other
factors
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 contribute towards
happiness
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?
According to
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 most
people
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,
money
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 is the key to
happiness
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. I think humans cannot live without
money
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.
However
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, there are many
factors
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 that influence
happiness
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.
According to
Linking Words
 most
people
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,
money
Use synonyms
 is the key to
happiness
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. I think humans cannot live without
money
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.
However
Linking Words
, there are many
factors
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 that influence
happiness
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. First and foremost,
money
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 is essential for
comfortable
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a comfortable
show examples
 life. We can buy expensive things that we want in life. In
this
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 case, we may feel less pressure and stress. Given
this
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,
money
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 can solve both financial issues and material problems. So, having enough
money
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 makes
people
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's
lives
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 easier and enables them to live the way they want.
On the other hand
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,
money
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 is not the only factor that contributes to
happiness
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. Having good friends and a loving family can make
people
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 feel happier and more satisfied with their
lives
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, good health is another important factor because
people
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 can enjoy their
lives
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 when they feel healthy. These elements show that
happiness
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 depends not only on
money
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 but
also
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 on relationships and well-being.
To sum up
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,
money
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 is a tool, not the most important part of our
lives
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. We cannot solve all our problems with
money
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.

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task response
Answer the first question more clearly. You say people cannot live without money, but you also say money is not the most important part of life. State your view in one clear way: people can be happy with little money if their basic needs are met.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why family, friends, and health bring happiness, and show how they help in daily life.
task response
Add one simple, real-life example. For example, a person with a small home and a low pay may still feel happy because they have good health and close family.
task response
Avoid saying the same idea twice in the opening. The first two sentences are repeated, so use this space for a clear plan for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: money first, then other parts of happiness, and then an ending. Keep this order in a stronger opening and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to show the change in ideas more clearly. Words such as "first", "also", "for example", "however", and "therefore" can help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your main view. Say that money is needed for basic life, but it cannot by itself bring a happy life.
coherence and cohesion
Some points are very general. Join each point to the question with a short reason, so the links between sentences are clearer.
task response
You answer both parts of the question by discussing money and other causes of happiness, such as health, family, and friends.
task response
Your main view is clear: money can make life easier, but it is not the only cause of happiness.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs are easy to follow because each one has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words, including "First and foremost", "On the other hand", "Moreover", and "To sum up".
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Promoting happiness
  • Essential factors
  • Financial stability
  • Material wealth
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Contentment
  • Basic needs
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Social connections
  • Pursuing passions
  • Well-being
  • Mental health
  • Spiritual practices
  • Personal growth
  • Community service
  • Societal contribution
  • Philanthropy
  • Joy
  • Satisfaction
  • Prosperity
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