IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do ypu agree or disagree? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is an argument that
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 is better
to
Correct word choice
if it is
show examples
 shorter and the workers could have one more day
of at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the weekend. I largely agree with the idea.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain my reason for agreeing with
this
Linking Words
 topic.
Body paragraph 1
As
life
Use synonyms
 is getting more
challanging
Correct your spelling
challenging
due to
Linking Words
 the recent
inflamation
Correct your spelling
inflation
 of
global
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the global
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
, both parents have to
work
Use synonyms
 to provide a better
life
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 for the family. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, the level of stress and anxiety
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 among families because of
work
Use synonyms
 pressure and the lack of
time
Use synonyms
 to spend together. If the government agree with
shorter
Add an article
a shorter
show examples
 working
week
Use synonyms
, people could get more
inthusiastic
Correct your spelling
enthusiastic
 and could spend
time
Use synonyms
 with family and chill
down
Verb problem
out
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the workers get back to
work
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 with more passion and higher energy to get things done in the right way.
Body paragraph 2
Although
Linking Words
 it may be
challanging
Correct your spelling
challenging
 and take lots of change the entire working system to
provid
Correct your spelling
provide
this
Linking Words
brandnew
Correct your spelling
brand-new
 working
week
Use synonyms
,
Its
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 result can provide more
time
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 for families and those who have to
work
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 more than one job to afford the
life
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 expenses. On
other
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the other
show examples
 hand, there are many young workers and students
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 and
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 at the same
time
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. Which is pretty tough to study
along with
Linking Words
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 working
week
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 that can lead to depression and anxiety among
young
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the young
show examples
 generation.
For example
Linking Words
, a young person
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
is
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 just
gratuated
Correct your spelling
graduated
 from school and
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 hard to go to university may go through lots
difficulties
Change preposition
of difficulties
show examples
 to manage studying
life
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 and working
life
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 so that they can study for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 future and
work
Use synonyms
 to provide
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 daily expenditure.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
shorter
Add an article
a shorter
show examples
 working
week
Use synonyms
 can
afftect
Correct your spelling
affect
 people's
satisfactory
Replace the word
satisfaction
 in their
life
Use synonyms
 and decrease
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 stress and anxiety
level in them
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way: say that you agree because a shorter week can help family life and worker health. Keep this view clear in every part of the essay.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. Explain how more rest can lower stress, improve work, and help people study or care for their family.
task response
Your example is linked to the topic, but it is too general. Give a clear case, such as a worker who has Friday off and uses it to study, rest, or spend time with children.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one body part about family and rest, one body part about study and work, then a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clear. For example: “First, a longer weekend can give families more time together.” This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two or three short sentences. This will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words with care. “For example”, “As a result”, and “However” are useful, but make sure each one connects ideas in a clear way.
task response
You give a clear opinion and stay on the main topic of a shorter working week.
task response
You include useful ideas about stress, family time, and young people who work and study.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show cause and result with phrases such as “Consequently” and “For example”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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