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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is a widespread belief that
weekends
Use synonyms
 should be longer and
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 should be shorter for
workers
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it has some negative effects on companies, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because it can help people's mental health and their productivity. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will
firstly
Linking Words
 discuss the benefits of it for
workers
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 before explaining
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
main
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the main
show examples
advanyages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of having a short working
week
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 that people will have more time to rest.
This
Linking Words
 can reduce the stress and improve their
life quality
Correct word order
quality of life,
show examples
 and they will better concentrate
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 task at work.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they can spend more time with their friends, family and relatives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can enjoy their hobbies on the
weekends
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 and get enough rest for
new
Add an article
the new
show examples
 working
week
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. For these reasons, a shorter working
week
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 would be beneficial for both
workers
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 and companies because
they
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
workers
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 complete their work more efficiently and they will make
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 mistakes.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, a shorter working
week
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 and longer
weekends
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 could
also
Linking Words
 cause some problems.
Such
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 as companies could not reach their deadlines
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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that is
Linking Words
 why they
can
Verb problem
may
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 need to hire more
workers
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 to complete tasks on time, for that reason
their
Punctuation problem
, their
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 expenses might
be increases
Wrong verb form
increase
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. Another negative aspect is that some worker's salaries may decrease if their working hours
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 reduced.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it has a few disadvantages, I strongly believe that
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 should be shorter and the
weekends
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 should be longer because it can help
workers
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 to work more
accurate
Replace the word
accurately
 and improve their lifestyle and productivity.

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Task response
Your view is clear: you agree that the work week should be shorter. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully how more rest leads to better work, and why this is worth the added cost for companies.
Task response
Add one clear real-life example. For example, describe a worker who has a three-day weekend, returns with more energy, and makes fewer errors. This would make your main point more convincing.
Task response
The paragraph about problems is useful, but your answer should say more clearly why these problems do not change your view. You could say that companies may save money in the long term when workers do better work and stay in their jobs.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. The order of ideas is easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Do not begin a full idea with “Such as”. Instead, write: “For example, companies may not meet their deadlines.”
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences join too many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily. For example, separate the idea about time with family from the idea about rest before a new work week.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “for these reasons” and “for that reason” close together. Use simple changes such as “As a result”, “Also”, or “Because of this” when needed.
Task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear opinion from the start to the end.
Task response
Your main ideas are relevant: rest, mental health, work quality, company costs, and pay are all linked to the topic.
Coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending clearly repeats your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
Using “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” helps show the two sides of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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