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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that income is very important for any employee.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that a high
salary
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 is considered one of the most important considerations when it comes to selecting a career, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes
this
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 view. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I strongly believe that a high income is one of the most important criteria when you decide to work, and that returns to several benefits that a high
salary
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 can offer. When you receive a high income, you live in a very good situation.
For example
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, you can choose if you want to live in a big or a small house, and which car you want to get.
In addition
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, you can cover all your children's needs.
Moreover
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, you will not be stressed about the future, as the
salary
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 can contribute to securing your future from any financial issues. Studies have shown that
,
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apply
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 an employee who receives a high
salary
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 can handle work pressure more efficiently than an employee who receives a low
salary
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.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider is that a high
salary
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 can give the worker
a
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apply
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significant value in the market.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 proves his skills and experiences. Some companies consider highly paid employees
very
Verb problem
to be very
show examples
 professional and have good qualifications.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I totally agree that a high
salary
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 can be a strong reason for choosing a job or career, as it can change your situation positively.

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task response
You give a clear view: you agree that high pay is very important. However, the question asks how far you agree or disagree. Explain that pay is important but not always the most important thing. You could also discuss work you enjoy, work-life balance, safety, and chances to learn.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. The first body paragraph gives several good results of high pay, but the second point is short and not fully clear. Explain why high pay may show skill, and also say why this is not true in every job.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, a person may take a lower-paid job because it gives them more time with their family or because they enjoy helping others. This would make your view stronger.
task response
Be careful with the sentence about studies. It is better not to make a claim about studies unless you explain it well. You can simply say that good pay may reduce money worries for some workers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Keep this structure, but make the two body paragraphs more equal in length and depth.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. For example, replace “and that returns to several benefits” with “This is because a high salary brings several benefits.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect clearly. “Which proves his skills and experiences” is not a full sentence. Join it to the idea before it: “This may suggest that the worker has strong skills and experience.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use “For example”, “In addition”, and “Moreover” well, but make sure each new sentence adds a different point instead of repeating the same idea about money.
task response
You state your opinion clearly and keep it the same from the introduction to the conclusion.
task response
You give useful reasons for high pay, such as meeting family needs, having more choices, and feeling less worried about money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs and a direct conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to show examples and add ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • job satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • personal fulfillment
  • financial stability
  • passion
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • societal impact
  • income disparity
  • material success
  • monetary compensation
  • wealth accumulation
  • economic well-being
What to do next:
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