IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Shat peepeles no theathe main of advertising is to improve the sales of products To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
A number of individuals argue that the main purpose of advertising is to increase sales of goods regardless of
their
Correct pronoun usage
the consumer's
show examples
 real
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
. I strongly agree that the primary goal of
mush
Use the right word
most
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 modern advertising is to boost sales of
items
Use synonyms
 even if they may be unnecessary.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
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 focus on creating
persuasive
Add an article
a persuasive
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 need rather than promoting useful products. Through creative messaging, emotional appeal and celebrities, companies are promoting luxury
items
Use synonyms
like
Correct word choice
as if
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 they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 vital to human life. Even though these expensive fashion
items
Use synonyms
 are often not necessary
and
Correct word choice
,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can function perfectly well without them.
For example
Linking Words
, the Apple company annually release a new smartphone with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
minor improvements over previous models.
As a result
Linking Words
 of effective advertising
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 are eager to spend a fortune to get the latest iPhone. Modern advertisings are making
people
Use synonyms
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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purchase
items
Use synonyms
 they don’t even need.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, advertising may have a detrimental effect on
peoples’
Check wording
people’s
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 mental health and undermine their confidence.
social
Capitalize the word
Social
show examples
 media platforms,
for instance
Linking Words
, may encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to buy diet pills,
anti-aging
Change the spelling
anti-ageing
show examples
 cream or expensive clothing to look more attractive and successful. Being constantly surrounded by
such
Linking Words
 things often triggers and
undermine
Correct subject-verb agreement
undermines
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 social equality, causing
individual
Check wording
individuals
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 to spend more money on things that usually
not
Verb problem
do not
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 have long-term value.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, not all advertising is misleading. Some companies promote public services, health
product
Check wording
products
show examples
, or environmentally friendly goods. But unfortunately, these tend to be exceptions rather than the norm in our modern industry larger
driven
Correct word choice
and driven
show examples
 by profit.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the advertising can serve a beneficial purpose for society, I believe that its main function today is to increase sales of non-essential goods. Influencing
peoples’
Check wording
people’s
show examples
 emotions and insecurities, many companies convince
people
Use synonyms
 to buy things they do not truly need.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you stay with it. To make it stronger, explain more fully why selling is the main aim of ads, not only one aim. You can also say more about why good or public ads are less common.
task response
The Apple example fits your main point well. Make it more exact by linking it back to the question: ads make small changes seem important, so people buy a new phone when the old one still works.
task response
Your second main point is about harm to mental health. It is useful, but connect it more directly to sales: fear about looks or success can make people buy more things.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, one opposite point, and conclusion. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example, start the second main part with: “This sales aim can also harm people’s feelings about themselves.” This shows how the point follows from the first part.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form or grammar. For example, write “many advertisements focus”, “Apple releases”, “people’s mental health”, and “things that do not have long-term value.” Shorter, correct sentences will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You give a clear answer and state your strong view in both the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You use a real and relevant example about new iPhones, which helps show how ads can lead people to buy things they do not need.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph brings your main ideas together and clearly repeats your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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