The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is thought that improving the
lives
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of individuals should be the foremost aim of
science
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. I partly agree with
this
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statement as improving the quality of our
lives
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is important;
however
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, our existence depends on other aspects, which is why scientists should not ignore these aspects.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, applying
science
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to enhance the quality of people's
lives
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is vital. As
science
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can help us lead a healthy and peaceful life and enhance our longevity.
For instance
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, using
science
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in meddison improve our health and treat dieseas, meanwhile applying it in engineering helps engineers improve the safety of buildings and cities, and law and political sciences teach us how to solve our problems and disputes in a fair way.
Therefore
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, applying
science
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in individuals'
lives
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is important to lead a healthy and safe life,
although
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it should not be the most important aim , as other aims may have a significant
impact
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on our
lives
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, using
science
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for other purposes can
impact
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our
lives
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indirectly. To elaborate, many things have an effect on our existence.
For example
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, scientific discoveries that benefit the environment and preserve it are important to our existence, and advancing in math means advancing in technology, busniess
in addition
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to its
impact
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on developing our cognitive abilities as learning new things makes us smarter and wiser.
For instance
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, many neurologists encourage people to solve mathematical problems daily to strengthen their memory.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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using
science
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to enhance our
lives
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is vital to ensure our health and peace, I believe that scientists should not ignore other critera us everything
impact
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our
lives
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directly or indirectly.

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Task response
Make your main view more exact. You say you partly agree, but your ideas are close to saying that science has many aims and none should be first. State clearly how far you agree and keep this view in each main part.
Task response
Develop each reason with a clear link to the question. Health care and safe buildings clearly improve lives. Explain more fully why work on the environment, maths, and the mind means that improving lives should not be the only or first aim.
Task response
Use more exact examples. The example about doctors asking people to do maths is linked to memory, but it does not strongly show why science should have aims other than improving lives. An example about space, basic maths, or climate work would fit better.
Task response
Avoid claims that are too wide, such as saying all science in law and politics teaches people to solve disputes fairly. Give one clear case and explain it.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each main part show the exact point of that part.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences join too many ideas. Break long sentences into two or three short sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. Words such as “For instance”, “Therefore”, and “On the other hand” are useful, but make sure the next sentence directly proves the point before it.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the end clearer and more direct. Say your final view in one simple sentence, then briefly name the two reasons: direct help for people and other work that supports life in the long term.
Task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear partly agree view.
Task response
You give useful main ideas about health, safety, the environment, and learning.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To conclude” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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