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Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentages of Internet users in different activities in a UK city in 2007 and 2009.

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The chart below shows the percentages of Internet users in different activities in a UK city in 2007 and 2009.
The given bar chart compares the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
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internet users in different activities in a specific
the
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UK city in two years (2007 and 2009).
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 three out of seven figures showed an upward trend throughout the period,
while
Linking Words
rest
Add an article
the rest
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 of them experienced a decrease. It is
also
Linking Words
 evident that shopping had the highest percentage in the initial year,
whereas
Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged until the end of the timeframe. IN detail, the share of shopping accounted for 45% in 2007, compared with 40% for banking.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for shopping demonstrated an increasing pattern by 5 percentage points, reaching its peak of 50% by 2009.
Conversely
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, banking decreased slightly to 35% over a 2-year span.
Similarly
Linking Words
, music represented roughly 40% by 2007, but
then
Linking Words
this
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 was followed by a
further
Linking Words
 fall of 10
ratio
Check wording
percentage
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 points, to 30% by 2009.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend, the remaining activities
,
Punctuation problem
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 were job seeking,
games
Use synonyms
, learning, and TVs
,
Add a semicolon
;
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 two out of four experienced an increase.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was no difference between
games
Use synonyms
 and learning in 2007, at
solid
Add an article
a solid
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 20%, respectively.
Linking Words
likewise
Capitalize the word
Likewise
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,
games
Use synonyms
 remained stable at 20% until 2009,
while
Linking Words
 learning fell slightly to 15% by the end of the timescale.
By contrast
Linking Words
, job seeking rose steadily from 25% to 30%
,
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 over a 2-year period.
In addition
Linking Words
, TVs showed the lowest fraction among the others in 2007, at 15%, before rising noticeably to 20% by the end of the timescale.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words games with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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