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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In order to solve traffic problems, govt should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation. what are advantages and disadvantages of the solution

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent years, there have been many issues with
traffic
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 , and it is a lesson that govenment oughts to solve. one
solution
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 is to tax
people
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 who own a
car
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 and can enhance public
transportation
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 by using the money.
This
Linking Words
 idea has
benefit
Check wording
benefits
show examples
 to reduce
traffic
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 time and protect
environment
Add an article
the environment
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it
also
Linking Words
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
people
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's
stresses
Check wording
stress
show examples
 for living.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, paying tax heavily may reduce
some
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
people
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 use
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 own
car
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 and
change
Verb problem
encourage them
show examples
 to use buses or trains. It will reduce the number of cars on the road during busy
traffic
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 times.
Then
Linking Words
,
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traffic
Add an article
the traffic
show examples
 jam will be resolved.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the level of air pollution will be decreased by improving
traffic
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transportation
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. If
people
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 reduce driving their cars, the unhealthy fuels will not be made from cars. It is really helpful to protect the environment. Those advantages make
this
Linking Words
solution
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 is benefital.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
people
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 who live far away from
urban
Add an article
an urban
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 city
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 rely on their
car
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 to go to work or send their children to school. Pubic
transportation
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 is inconvenient to them, even if it is improved, because it will take
times
Check wording
time
show examples
 to do it.
People
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 still will be taxed heavily during that time , and
this
Linking Words
solution
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 indeed increases
people
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 stresses to their lives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the improvement of public
transportation
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 can not keep up with the number of
people
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 who go to work or travel, the
traffic
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still
Verb problem
will still
show examples
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
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 congestion during the peak time.
Then
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
solution
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 will make negative reviews from
people
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 who need to pay more tax. These two reasons showed the shortcomings of
this
Linking Words
solution
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, taxing private
car
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 owners heavily and using the money to improve public
transportation
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 has advantages and shortcomings. It is good to encourage
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
to use
show examples
 public
transportation
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 to reduce driving and protect the environment.
By contrast
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 increases
people
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's stress because
people
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 who live far away from urban
.
Check wording
areas.
show examples
 They may experience inconvenient public
transportation
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 and not improve systems properly.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. To make your ideas stronger, explain more clearly why a high tax would make people stop using cars, and why better buses and trains may not help people in far areas at first.
task response
Use one clear, real-life example for each side. For example, say that a worker in a small town may have no bus near their home, so they still need a car.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but some points are repeated. Add one more different disadvantage, such as the tax being unfair for low-income families who need a car.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, good points, bad points, and ending. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one main idea, then give a reason and an example. This will help the reader follow your writing more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. You can use 'As a result', 'For example', 'However', and 'In addition'. Do not use too many links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. For example, write 'This solution may increase stress in people’s lives' instead of 'this solution indeed increases people stresses to their lives.'
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of the plan, and your answer stays on the topic.
task response
You give useful ideas about less traffic, less air pollution, and problems for people who live far from cities.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what your essay will discuss, and the ending brings the main points together.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraph words such as 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' help show the change from advantages to disadvantages.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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