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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is pointless to spend money on the protection of wild animals and plants because humanity has more important problems to solve. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is frequently argued that it is pointless to spend money on the
protection
Use synonyms
 of wild
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
 because humanity has more important problems to solve, a view that has sparked considerable debate in recent years.
Body paragraph 1
Although
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 there are valid arguments on both sides, I am firmly convinced that
Use synonyms
protection
Add an article
the protection
show examples
 of wild species and urban
forest
Check wording
forests
show examples
 should be
strength
Wrong verb form
strengthened
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
While
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 I acknowledge that
humanity
Correct word choice
human
show examples
 problems
also
Linking Words
 need a solution, I would argue that without
animals
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 and
plants
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 our
eco system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
 would fall apart.
Body paragraph 3
The most compelling argument in favour of
this
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 position is that the environment is based on
plants
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.
Body paragraph 4
This
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 is largely attributable to the fact that
plants
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 filter the air
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
. What makes
this
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 particularly significant is that
photosynthese whouldn't
Correct your spelling
photosynthesis wouldn't
 be possible without
plants
Use synonyms
, especially forests. A case in point is that we should protect the
deforestation
Check wording
forests
show examples
.
Body paragraph 5
This
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 illustrates the extent to which
plants
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 have a huge impact on the air and
eco system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
.
Body paragraph 6
Equally important is the fact that
animals
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 and
plants
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 continue the human life cycle. Not only does
this
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 has a impact
our
Change preposition
on our
show examples
 environment, but it
also
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 nutrion and diet. The human diet is based on greens
as well as
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 on
animals
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 for proteins and carbs. Were
this
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 approach to be adopted more widely, it could potentially have a negative impact on our meal
oppertunitys
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
Body paragraph 7
This
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further
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 reinforces the argument that we should spend money on the
protection
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 of wild
animals
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 and
plants
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.
Conclusion
Taking all these factors into consideration, I remain convinced
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 supporting the
protection
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.
While
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 the opposing viewpoint should not be dismissed entirely, the arguments in favour of our environment are considerably more persuasive.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that you disagree, or mostly disagree, because nature is needed for human life.
task response
Explain the other side more fully. For example, say that money is also needed for food, health care, and schools, then show why protecting nature is still important.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. Plants clean the air and help keep water and soil safe. Wild animals help keep nature in balance.
task response
Use real and exact examples. Instead of saying “we should protect the deforestation,” say “governments can stop forest loss by protecting large forest areas.”
task response
Avoid ideas that are not clear or are not fully true. The point about animals giving both protein and carbs needs care. Use simple, correct links between wild life and human food.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduce your view; explain the need for plants; explain the need for animals; then give a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “However.” Do not repeat the same ending line after each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make your final paragraph a full sentence. For example: “In conclusion, I believe money should be spent on wild animals and plants because human health and food depend on a safe natural world.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing or not in the right form. Read each sentence aloud and check that the subject, verb, and idea are clear.
task response
You give a clear general view that protecting wild animals and plants is important.
task response
Your essay includes two relevant main ideas: clean air from plants and food for people.
coherence and cohesion
There is an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the overall plan.
coherence and cohesion
You try to explain your points with cause and result, such as plants cleaning the air and forests helping the earth.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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