IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent
times
Punctuation problem
times,
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 the number of animals have becoming extinct
due to
Linking Words
widespread
Add an article
the widespread
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 impacts of climate change and human hunting.
Linking Words
hence
Capitalize the word
Hence
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, scientists and conservationists use the
some
Correct word choice
same
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 amount of
government's
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the government's
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 budget to preserve endangered animals is unnecessary and unbeneficial,
whereas
Linking Words
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 disagree with their opinion;
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe that endangered species are
essential
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an essential
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 part of our ecosystem.
i
Capitalize the word
I
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 will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on
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 my view on conservation
on
Change preposition
in
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further
Linking Words
 discussion. on the one hand,

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task response
The essay is not complete. You give an opening and start one main paragraph, but you do not finish your ideas. Write two full main paragraphs and a short ending.
task response
Make your view clear from the start: you disagree because animals are important for nature. Then explain this with clear reasons, such as food chains, plants, and human life.
task response
Use real examples. For example, tigers can help keep the number of some animals under control. Whales can help sea life stay healthy.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: opening, first reason, second reason, and ending. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your first paragraph has too many ideas in one long sentence. Make shorter sentences and use full stops.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way: 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'In the end'. Do not use 'on the one hand' unless you also use 'on the other hand' later.
coherence and cohesion
Check basic form and word order. For example, write 'the number of animals has become extinct' less often; a clearer form is 'many animals have become extinct'.
task response
You answer the question and clearly show that you do not agree with the idea.
task response
You give a useful main idea: endangered animals are important for the ecosystem.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening gives background about climate change and hunting, so the reader can understand the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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