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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Due to
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 the great number of consequences that cigarettes and
tobacco
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products
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 can cause, smoking has become a life-threatening habit that many believe should be banned. I am of the opinion that a total elimination of
tobacco
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 supplies can bring several benefits;
however
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, the government should consider its drawbacks as well.
Body paragraph 1
Some of the major problems that cigarettes and
tobacco
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products
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 can cause are health issues and the development of harmful habits across generations.
In other words
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,
tobacco
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 is the main risk factor of numerous health diseases
such
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 as congestive heart failure, lung and oral cavity cancers and respiratory diseases. It endangers not only the users themselves, but
also
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 the
second hand
Correct your spelling
second-hand
 smoker who is involuntarily exposed.
As a result
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, a general prohibition may lead to a significant improvement in population well-being.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
this
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 prohibition contributes to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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huge dissatisfaction and
protest
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protests
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 among producers and suppliers of
tobacco
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products
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.
Tobacco
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 ban is a debatable issue
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 if implemented, should be addressed by the government carefully, since the possible resentment from companies can convert to a more uncontrollable problem than
tobacco
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 usage itself.
Additionally
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, experience has shown that
strict
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a strict
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 ban on
products
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 often leads to growth of unregulated sales in black markets, and production of unprotected supplies without quality supervision;
this
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 can be a major disaster with irreparable repercussions .
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is true that a total ban can help reduce health risks of
tobacco
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 addiction,
it
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but it
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 can
also
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 increase the dissatisfaction of companies and raise unregulated sales in black markets.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say a full ban can bring good things, but you also give strong reasons against it. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or agree only in part.
task response
Explain why the problems from a ban may be worse than smoking. At present, the idea about company anger is not fully clear. Show how this would harm the public.
task response
Use one real or clear made-up example to support your points. For example, explain how a black market may sell unsafe goods when legal sales are stopped.
task response
Answer the words “to what extent” more directly. You could say that you support strong limits, high tax, and no smoking in public places, but not a full ban.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: health harms, problems with a ban, then a short end. Keep this order, but link each paragraph more closely to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match the view in the first paragraph. The first paragraph seems to support a full ban, while the end gives equal weight to both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more carefully. “On the other hand” works well, but phrases such as “as a result” should always show a direct cause and result.
coherence and cohesion
Develop one point at a time. In the second body paragraph, focus first on black market sales, then explain the harm. The point about company protest may be less useful unless you explain it well.
task response
You address both the health harm of smoking and the possible problems of a full ban. This shows that you understand the two sides of the issue.
task response
Your first body paragraph gives clear health reasons, including harm to people who breathe in smoke from others.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph openings such as “On the other hand” to show a change from one side of the topic to the other.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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