IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Most countries
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 applied mixed schools for their
students
Use synonyms
' learning, considering the long-term implications
such
Linking Words
 as adaptive communication skills.
However
Linking Words
, some believe that separating their child was more beneficial
seeing
Punctuation problem
, seeing
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 that
harmful
Add an article
a harmful
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 relationship may
occured
Wrong verb form
have occurred
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both positions before arguing that co-education is essential for
students
Use synonyms
' personal development. Those who favour gender segregation point first to simply
dangering
Correct your spelling
avoiding
 relationship risk. At one point,
students
Use synonyms
 are vurnerable with certain
romantics
Replace the word
romantic
 relationship trends.
Consequently
Linking Words
, co-education might be the
most
Rephrase
apply
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best
media
Check wording
medium
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 issue. In Depok,
for instance
Linking Words
,
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 have taken labels for their own boyfriend or girlfriend.
This
Linking Words
 trend
resulting
Wrong verb form
results in
show examples
 them
to spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 more time with their special person rather than
to focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
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 on their
study
Check wording
studies
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can outweigh their academic performance
resulting
Punctuation problem
, resulting
show examples
tough
Change preposition
in tough
show examples
 struggles for
students
Use synonyms
' future study.

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task response
The writing does not finish the task. You discuss only the view for separate schools. Add a full paragraph about why mixed schools can help boys and girls learn to work and talk together.
task response
Give your own view clearly and support it with reasons. The opening says mixed schools are important, but the body mainly explains problems in mixed schools. Make your ideas match your view.
task response
Finish with a short closing paragraph. State both views again and clearly say why you think mixed schools are better.
task response
The example from Depok is related to the point, but explain it more carefully. Do not say that one trend shows all students will have lower school results.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear plan, and the first body paragraph has one main idea. However, the essay stops too early, so the full order of ideas is not complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each body paragraph. For example: “One reason some people support separate schools is that they may reduce love relationships at school.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “For example”, “However”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. Use “As a result” only when the result is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Keep each sentence short and give one main idea at a time.
task response
You identify both sides of the issue in the opening and give your own view.
task response
You use a real place example to support the idea about relationships and study time.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph has a clear main point, then an example, then a result.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Consequently”, “For instance”, and “As a result” show an attempt to connect ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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