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Writing Samples
Band 5

What technologies did you use to help you in your studies? Describe how it has helped you. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

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Introduction
Technologies have become part of our daily lives; they help us communicate more easily and do the tasks we need to do. Everyone in
this
Linking Words
 generation knows how to use modern technologies and, at the same
time
Use synonyms
, will teach the next generations. In
this
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 essay, I will tackle how those technologies help me with my
studying
Replace the word
studies
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, in my current situation, I’m learning how to improve my English.
Therefore
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, my iPad and laptop, which are connected to the internet, help me a
lot
Use synonyms
. Using my laptop, I can watch online tutorial videos and gain general knowledge from other people on how to improve my English.
Also
Linking Words
, my iPad is a tool for my writing and editing; I can freely write essays on it.
For instance
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, watching online tutorials is all
that is
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 available on the internet.
Instead
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, you need to go to a specific classroom to see the professor who is teaching.
Thus
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, it’s easier for me to study through online platforms than going to the public libraries to search for books, which can take a
lot
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 of
time
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there is a nostalgic feeling for some people, especially those born in Generation X and
Millennials
Add an article
the Millennials
show examples
. But in
this
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 generation, like Gen Z, they rely on modern gadgets
instead
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 of searching in textbooks, where
within
Punctuation problem
, within
show examples
 a
minute
Punctuation problem
minute,
show examples
 they can see what they want to know. As a Millennial, from
time
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 to
Use synonyms
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 I love to switch to studying and reading in real books.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, the internet and modern gadgets help me a
lot
Use synonyms
 now. I can get a
lot
Use synonyms
 of information that I need to improve.
Moreover
Linking Words
, studying now has become faster and easier than before.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Name the key tools in the first lines, such as your laptop, iPad, and the internet, then explain how each one helps your study.
task response
Give one or two clear, real examples. For example, say what kind of English video you watch, what you write on your iPad, and how this helps your reading, writing, or listening.
task response
Develop the point about books or older people, or remove it. This part does not clearly show how technology helps your own studies, so it takes space from your main answer.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main idea. The first body paragraph has useful points about online study, but the next paragraph changes to other generations and real books. This makes the essay less focused.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “However.” Make sure “However” is used only when there is a clear opposite idea.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the sentence about online tutorials and classrooms. It is hard to understand. You could write: “In the past, I had to go to a class to learn from a teacher, but now I can watch lessons online at home.”
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and ending are clear. To make them stronger, make the opening less general and make the ending repeat the two main ways technology helps you.
task response
You clearly say that you use an iPad, a laptop, and the internet for English study.
task response
You give useful study uses, such as watching lessons, writing essays, and editing your work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “To begin with,” “Also,” “For instance,” and “To conclude.”
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • study
  • online
  • learning
  • video
  • platforms
  • apps
  • practice
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • forums
  • groups
  • collaborative
  • sharing
  • materials
  • notes
  • efficient
  • focus
  • tutors
  • remote
  • access
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