IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
It is apparent that many citizens use social
service
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services
show examples
 to connect with
friend
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friends
show examples
 or family and gather news.
Ackowledging
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Acknowledging
 social
media
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contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
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 some ill-effects, I suppose the advantages surpass the disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, some argue that social
media
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have
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has
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 negative effects,
such
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 as cyberbullying, causing school refusal or suicide, particularly in
younger
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the younger
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 generation, which trigger inplementing policies in some
coutries
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countries
. A case in point is Australia, where the government introduced the regulation on social
media
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 usage.
Nevertheless
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, we might be able to address
this
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 problem through enhancing literacy on social
media
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, and
therefore
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, evaluation on social
media
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 should be made with its advantages.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the ease of keeping in touch with others
acheived
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achieved
 by social
meda
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media
 tightens bonds with
friend
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friends
show examples
 or family.
For example
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,
this
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easiness
Replace the word
ease
 of communication helps people work or study apart from their kith or kin.
Additionally
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, relatively equal access to information supported by social
media
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 brings a greater opportunity for those living in rural areas.
For example
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, students
dwell
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who dwell
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 in
outskrits
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outskirt areas
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 of
country
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the country
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 can reach scholarship or job interview opportunities whose campus or office is located in
central
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a central
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 area, owing
information
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to information
show examples
 access through social
media
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.
This
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 is a good example of social
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media
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media's
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 benefit
to reduce
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in reducing
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 the inequity of information access. The benefits from social
media
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,
therefore
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, comparatively outweigh the
risk
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risks
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 from them.
Conclusion
In conclusion, comparing the
merit
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merits
show examples
 and
demerit
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demerits
show examples
 of social
media
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, including any precautions we might take, the advantages outstrip the disadvantages.
Moreover
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, people should pursue countermeasures,
such
Linking Words
 as literacy education in school, to ensure proper social
media
Use synonyms
 use.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first paragraph: the good points are greater than the bad points. Then keep each body paragraph focused on one main idea.
task response
Explain the bad side in more detail. Show how social media can lead to harm, and why education and rules can help limit this harm.
task response
Your examples are useful, but make them more exact. For example, explain how a student in a small town can find a course, a job, or money for study through social media.
task response
Be careful with claims about Australia. If you use a real country example, say what the rule does and how it links to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, bad side, good side, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the link between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words with care, such as 'However', 'For example', 'Also', and 'As a result'. Do not use too many in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Use shorter sentences when you explain an important point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the last lines. The ending should briefly restate your view and the two main reasons only.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view that the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
You include both sides of the issue, with ideas about online harm, keeping in touch, and access to news and chances.
coherence and cohesion
The main paragraphs have a clear order: first the bad side, then the good side, followed by a final summary.
coherence and cohesion
Examples about people living far from family and students in small towns support your main ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global village
  • real-time communication
  • cyberbullying
  • digital marketing
  • networking
  • data breach
  • misinformation
  • social media platforms
  • user engagement
  • privacy settings
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • virtual relationships
  • infodemic
  • echo chamber
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