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Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, budget flights have made it possible for many people to travel widely. However, some argue that cheap air travel causes serious environmental problems and ticket prices should be increased. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate regarding the environmental impact of modern
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
. Some groups of individuals believe that budget flights have provided
widely
Rephrase
many
show examples
 opportunities for people to
travel
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 around the world.
However
Linking Words
, others claim that cheap
air
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 transport leads to severe environmental issues and
ticket
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prices
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 ought to be raised.
Therefore
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, ahead of my opinion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views will be discussed
further
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.
Body paragraph 1
A key advantage of
rising the
Verb problem
raising
show examples
ticket
Use synonyms
prices
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 is that it can serve as an efficient way to reduce the amount of emissions and carbon footprint from
human
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humans
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. The residents may find it more challenging
to
Change preposition
for
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 them to
travel
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 by plane
due to
Linking Words
 its
costly
Replace the word
cost
 for their incomes. That’s why they will be more hesitant in choosing
this
Linking Words
 kind of transport rather than others, namely train, bus, or car, which is not only more suitable with their budgets but
also
Linking Words
 less harmful to the natural habitat.
As a result
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, the
overall
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 released fumes to our planet will drop significantly.
Body paragraph 2
To address
this
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 growing issue, it is essential that governments take decisive action by encouraging airlines
using
Wrong verb form
to use
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 cleaner and more sustainable fuels. The fuels produce fewer carbon emissions than traditional
fuel
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fuels
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.
This
Linking Words
 measure would be effective in reducing environmental problems
such
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 as
air
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 pollution or
greenhouse
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the greenhouse
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 effect.
In addition
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, the authorities can provide financial support for the
travel
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 expenses of low-income families.
This
Linking Words
 creates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opportunities for people to
travel
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destinations
Change preposition
to destinations
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 without worries about
ticket
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prices
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, affordable
air
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travel
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 would provide people from different economic backgrounds with equal opportunities to explore other countries and broaden their horizons. By visiting a new country, individuals can experience different traditions and customs, which helps promote
strengthen
Correct word choice
and strengthen
show examples
 international relationships.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
 and offer my position, there are convincing arguments both for and against the expansion of budget
air
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travel
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.
However
Linking Words
, I certainly favour the former opinion as raising
ticket
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prices
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 is a necessary measure to reduce carbon emissions and protect the environment.

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task response
Discuss both sides more directly. The first body paragraph explains why higher prices may help the environment. The second paragraph should explain why cheap flights are useful, before you give your own view.
task response
Make your opinion clear in the introduction. Say that you think prices should rise, but other steps should also be used to cut harm to the environment.
task response
Give one clear example for each side. For example, a family may visit family abroad because flights are cheap, while fewer short flights may cut air pollution.
task response
Some ideas need fuller support. Explain why trains or buses are better choices, and note that cars are not always better for the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each main paragraph focus on one side of the debate.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the change between views: 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In my view'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear links. In the second paragraph, the move from clean fuel to help for low-income families is sudden. Start a new paragraph for the benefits of cheap flights.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas more natural: state the point, explain it, then give an example or result.
task response
You answer the main question and give a clear final view that higher ticket prices can help cut carbon emissions.
task response
You include useful ideas about cleaner fuel and the chance for people with less money to travel.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives the topic, and the conclusion returns to your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'However', 'As a result', and 'Furthermore' help connect some of your ideas.
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