The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

4.0 / 9
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.
Boy's
Check wording
Boys'
show examples
and
girl's
Check wording
girls'
show examples
cultural
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
In
this
Linking Words
report
Add a comma
report,
show examples
I'm going to talk about the graph of
boy's
Check wording
boys'
show examples
and
girl's
Check wording
girls'
show examples
cultural
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
like
Rephrase
, such as
sports
activities
Use synonyms
,
some
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
games, or some
activities
Use synonyms
else
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
. Basically
I'am
Correct your spelling
, I'm
going to talk about stedines of
two
Use synonyms
graphs of
activities
Use synonyms
in
boys
Use synonyms
and
girls
Use synonyms
. Boy's cultural and
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
The computer
Correct determiner usage
Computer
show examples
games
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
the
activity more common in
Correct word order
most common activity among
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
34
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
comes basket
Rephrase
come basketball
and soccer,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
are sports very common
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
,
basket
Check wording
basketball
show examples
with a 26
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and soccer with a 17
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Two
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
that have a difference of 1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
are skateboarding
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
listey to music that are 10 and 11
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. And
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
activity that has a very low
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
is reading,
is
Correct pronoun usage
which is
show examples
an activity
that is
Linking Words
more common in
girls
Use synonyms
.
Girl's
Check wording
Girls'
show examples
cultural and
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
In
Change preposition
Among
show examples
the
Use synonyms
girls
Add a comma
girls,
show examples
the most common is dancing, another sport. Now comes with a low difference
computer
Change preposition
between computer
show examples
games and netball, but before
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
two
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
comes reading with a 21%. And
how
Correct word choice
as
show examples
I said before many are
two
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
with nnnn
of
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
percent
Use synonyms
Gymnastics and listening to music,
also
Linking Words
like in
Use synonyms
boys
Punctuation problem
boys,
show examples
the
girls
Use synonyms
has me some
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in
stadistics
Correct your spelling
statistics
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words leisure, activities, two, boys, girls, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participate
  • cultural activities
  • leisure activities
  • pie graphs
  • survey
  • boys
  • girls
  • comparison
  • participation
  • overall
  • similarities
  • differences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: