Computer games are very popular in all age groups and nationalities. Parents think it has little educational value and harmful effects. What is your opinion about this? Give examples based on your own experience.

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Introduction
The issue of
computer
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games
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are
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is
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very popular in all age groups and nationalities
has
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and has
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been the subject of considerable debate in recent years. Some people believe that it has little educational value and harmful
effects
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,
while
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others argue that it is an interested intertainment.
This
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essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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both arguments have their merits, I firmly believe that
computer
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games
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have harmful
effects
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on
people`s
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lives.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, those who advocate that
computer
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games
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have little educational value and harmful
effects
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argue that
young
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the young
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generation should concentrate on their education
than
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rather than
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play
computer
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games
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. The main reason is that it helps them to get a
high
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high-paying
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job in the future.
For instance
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, if a boy studies hard, he will be
successful
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a successful
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person in the future. Unlike the person who
play
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plays
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computer
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games
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, he will suffer from getting
job
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a job
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.
Furthermore
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,
computer
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games
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might affect
people`s
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eyesight.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, many who hold the belief that
computer
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games
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an
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are an
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interested intertainment emphasize that individuals can play
computer
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games
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when they have leisure time. Meanwhile, many families encourage their children to play
computer
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games
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. The main reason is that they think it
a
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is a
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useful way to learn new languages.
For example
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, if a child plays
computer
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games
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in a foreign language, he can learn a new language and get enjoyable time at the same time.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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there are valid arguments on both sides, I firmly believe that
computer
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games
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have harmful
effects
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on
people`s
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lives. The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that it affects
people`s
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future and health.

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task response
Give your own view more clearly from the start. You say games are harmful, but you also give a good point about learning a language. Explain why the harm is still greater.
task response
Develop each main point with more detail. For example, say how too much game time can hurt school work, sleep, health, or time with family.
task response
Use more real examples from your own life, as the task asks. You could write about a game you played, how long you played it, and what happened to your study or health.
task response
Some examples are too general. Instead of only saying a boy who studies hard will get a job, show a clear link between playing games too much and having less time to study.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Make the link between ideas smoother with words such as “because”, “as a result”, “however”, and “for this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same idea in each body part. The first body part should focus on harm, while the second should clearly explain the possible good side before you show why you do not agree.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words and lines, such as “harmful effects” and “the main reason”. Use short, direct sentences to make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence forms that make the meaning less clear. For example, write “Computer games are very popular” and “people who play computer games”.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give a clear final view that computer games can be harmful.
task response
You include points about school, work, eye health, free time, and learning a new language. These ideas are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape: an opening, two main body parts, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “To sum up” help the reader see the order of your ideas.
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