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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some young people believe it’s best to move out of their hometowns when they become adults, while others wish to live in their hometowns their whole lives. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
Development in
pepole
Use synonyms
 life may force them to pick another place to live
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
a way
Rephrase
far
show examples
 from
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 hometowns
espicialy
Correct your spelling
, especially
 when they grow up.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 many citizine stay at there
country
Use synonyms
 and make
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 own life better
there
Rephrase
,
 near to there relative.
Body paragraph 1
First
Use synonyms
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 who
dicide
Correct your spelling
decide
 to move to
other
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
country
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
may
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 a chance to develop in
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 jobs
due to
Linking Words
 the low income in
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 own
home
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some people return back after they gain enough money to build
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 life again. Another
reasone
Correct your spelling
reason
 that
mau
Correct your spelling
may
 show is the
saftey
Correct your spelling
safety
 status of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
home
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
. People
show examples
 may move during war or
pandimic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
 appears in
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
home
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they
seeking
Verb problem
are seeking
show examples
 for more saftey place to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On
other
Add an article
the other
show examples
 hand
Correct your spelling
, people
pepole
Use synonyms
 may stay at there hometowns and make
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 development there
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 I
prefer personally
Correct word order
personally prefer to
show examples
 stay near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my
realtive
Correct your spelling
relatives
 and gather with them continously espicially in week days and holidays.
Although
Linking Words
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 time with
familly lead
Rephrase
family leads
 to
improve
Replace the word
improved
 health
condition
Check wording
conditions
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
. People who develope there
country
Use synonyms
 may enter the history of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
home
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them a
super
Replace the word
superior
 position and respectfull between the
citizen
Check wording
citizens
show examples
.
Conclusion
In
conclosuion
Correct your spelling
conclusion,
 I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that staying at
home
Use synonyms
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
 and may improve the condition of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 because the
starager
Correct your spelling
stranger
 did not know how they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 improve other
Use synonyms
pepole
Rephrase
people's homes
home
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Talk about both views in a more even way. The first body part gives reasons to leave, but the second part needs more clear reasons to stay.
task response
Make your own view clear early and explain it fully. You say you prefer to stay, but give only a few short reasons for this choice.
task response
Use clear, real examples. For example, say how a young person can find work in a big city, or how living near family can help with care and support.
task response
Stay close to the question. The point about becoming famous in the history of a home town is not clear and does not strongly support the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: an opening, one part about leaving, one part about staying, and an ending with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add two reasons and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “For example”, “However”, “On the other hand”, and “As a result”. Use them only when the link is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence easy to follow. Some sentences have too many ideas, so split them into two short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for key ideas. Choose “hometown” or “home country” based on your meaning, and do not switch between them without a clear reason.
task response
You discuss both choices: moving away for work or safety, and staying near family.
task response
Your own view is clear: you prefer to stay in your hometown because family is important.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful links, such as “However”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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