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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
In the modern world, the demographic problem is becoming more and more significant.
People
Use synonyms
 all around the world are moving from rural areas to big cities. There are both positive and negative effects of
such
Linking Words
situation
Add an article
a situation
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss them and provide a conclusion. Though opinions about
this
Linking Words
 topic usually
varies
Correct subject-verb agreement
vary
show examples
, I personally believe that
this
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 is mostly a positive change.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most valuable benefits of a major move is that
people
Use synonyms
 can gain more job opportunities and achieve
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greater success.
While
Linking Words
 an individual leaves a rural area to live in a
city
Use synonyms
 or a town, he can discover more places to apply
on a
Change preposition
for
show examples
 work,
consequently
Linking Words
 is more likely to gain experience and reach
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success.
For example
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 living in a village can provide a more stable working place
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
farm
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a farm
show examples
 or field worker, it is much harder to achieve a high income there.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, applying
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a firm in a
city
Use synonyms
 opens up more career prospects.
As a result
Linking Words
, the general life level can increase and
economics
Check wording
the economy
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 of a specific country will rise.
Body paragraph 2
The second
resaon
Correct your spelling
reason
 for moving is a larger number of
people
Use synonyms
 who can be met in the
city
Use synonyms
.
Oftenly
Correct your spelling
Often
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no
big
Correct word choice
wide
show examples
 variety of individuals you can be friends with,
as a
Linking Words
consequence
Punctuation problem
consequence,
show examples
 you get less insights for
self growth
Correct your spelling
self-growth
 and
pesonal deveopment
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personal development
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
village
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the village
show examples
 population can reach up to
few
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a few
show examples
thousands
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thousand
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, some cities can have more than a million. In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long
term
Check wording
apply
show examples
run, living in a
city
Use synonyms
 can result in a higher level of intelligence and higher chances of
successfullness
Replace the word
success
 in the future.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
,
decreasing
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a decreasing
show examples
 population in rural areas has several major problems. The most significant one
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is that there are
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to work on the farms, so production of some products can become more expensive.
For example
Linking Words
,
scientist
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scientists
show examples
 suggested that there
are
Rephrase
is a
 lack of working force in
planty
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the planty
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 of meat production farms.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 issue, prices on meat products can rise in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shops all around the world that can cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disappointment among
citizents
Correct your spelling
citizens
 and
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the
worst case
Correct your spelling
worst-case
scenario
Punctuation problem
scenario,
show examples
 lead to a crisis.
Conclusion
In conclusion, major
moving
Replace the word
moves
 to the cities
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 both pros and cons. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
city provides
Rephrase
cities provide
 more opportunities to build
future
Add an article
a future
show examples
 and
higer
Correct your spelling
a higher
 possibility of personal development,
hovewer
Correct your spelling
however,
 rural areas are suffering from
lack
Add an article
a lack
show examples
 of workers that can cause a disaster. Despite a few negative aspects, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that the benefits
outweight
Use the right word
outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks.

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task response
Make your main view very clear in the first part: say that you think this is mainly a good change, then give two main reasons. You do this, but some ideas need more full support.
task response
Explain why city jobs help not only one person but also the country. For example, say that more skilled work can raise pay, tax money, and the level of life.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about meat farms is useful, but it needs a clearer link to people moving away from the countryside. Avoid unclear claims such as city life making people more intelligent.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: good points, bad point, and final view. Keep this plan, but make each body part focus on one idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links more carefully: “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For example,” and “Therefore.” Do not use too many long sentences with several ideas, because this can make the meaning hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part match your main view in a direct way. State again that the good effects are stronger, and briefly name the two key reasons.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear personal view that moving to cities is mainly a good change.
task response
You include both sides of the issue, with city work and farm worker loss as main points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, separate body parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow your main plan.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example,” “However,” and “As a result” help show links between ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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