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Band 4.5

Fossil fuels, such as coal, oil, natural gas, are used in many countries. But in some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, are encouraged. Is this trend a positive or a neg

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Introduction
NATURAL
ENERGY
Use synonyms
SUCH
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 AS COAL, OIL ,AND GAS ARE UTILISED IN MANY COUNTRIES NOWDAYS.
HOWEVER
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 THE ENCOURAGEMENT OF
ENERGY
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 RENEWLABLE IN SOME COUNTRIES IS BECOME MORE SIGNIFIGANT.
WHILE
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THIS
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 TREND HAS CERTAIN DRAWBACKS . I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT ITS ADVANTAGES MAKE IT A POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT.
Body paragraph 1
ONE MAJOR ADVANTAGE OF MINIMISING THE USE OF NATURAL
ENERGY
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 IS THE PRESERVATION OF
ENVIRENMENT
Correct your spelling
THE ENVIRONMENT
.
THIS
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 IS BECAUSE THE USE OF ALTERNATIVE SOURCES
SUCH
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 AS WIND OR SOLAR POWER ARE MORE FRIENDLY
WITH ENVIRNEMENT
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TO THE ENVIRONMENT
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. FHURTERMORE, THROUGH THAT THE POLLUTION IN THE AIR
AS WELL AS
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 THE WASTE OF COAL, OIL WILL BE MINIMISED .
FOR EXAMPLE
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,
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SOLAR POWER PREVENT THE WASTE OF
ENERGY
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 AND HAS LESS DISADVANTAGES THAN COAL , GAS OR OIL AND THAT NOT ONLY
INFLEUNCE
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INFLUENCES
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 THE
ENVIRENMENT POSITIVLY
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ENVIRONMENT POSITIVELY
 BUT
ALSO
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 WHEN WE TALK ABOUT
MONEY
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.
THIS
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 IS BECAUSE WE INVEST THE
MONEY
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 IN THE
INSTALATION
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INSTALLATION
 OF SOLAR POWER IN THE BEGINNING, BUT IN
LONG
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THE LONG
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 RUN WE DON’T NEED TO PAY FOR ELECTRICITY, WHICH CLEARLY DEMONSTRATES
THIS
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 BENEFIT.
Body paragraph 2
DESPITE THESE BENEFITS ,
THE UTILASATION OF
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the utilisation of renewable energy also has some disadvantages
ENERGY
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 RENEWLABLE
ALSO
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 HAS SOME DISADVANTAGES. ONE NOTABLE DRAWBACK IS THAT THE FRAIS OF INSTALATION. WHICH CAN
DESENCOURAGE
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DISECOURAGE
 A LOT OF PEOPLE OR
GOVRENEMENT
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GOVERNMENTS
 TO SWITCH FROM NATURAL
SORCES
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SOURCES
 TO
ANTHORE ALERNATIVE
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ANTHROPOGENIC ALTERNATIVE
 SOURCES.
IN ADDITION
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, THE USE OF WIND
ENERGY
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 OR SOLAR
ENEGRY
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ENERGY
 CAN NEED A LOT OF
ENTRETIEN
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MAINTENANCE
.IF THE
PERSONE
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PERSON
 HAS NO IDEA ,HOW THEY CAN REPAIR
SMAL
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SMALL
 PROBLEMS
Punctuation problem
,
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FOR
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EXAMPLE
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EXAMPLE,
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 IN THE
DOARD
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DOOR
 OF SOLAR
ENERGY
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 MAY SPEND A BIG AMOUNT OF
MONEY
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 IN YEARS ONLY FOR
REPAIRATION
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REPAIRATION.
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,
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apply
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HOWEVER
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 ,
THIS
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 ISSUE IS LESS SIGNIFICANT BECAUSE THE POSITIVE POINTS AND THE ADVANTAGE OF
ERERGY RENEWBLE
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ENERGY RENEWABLE
 ARE
OUTWEITH
Wrong verb form
OUTWEIGHING
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 THE DISADVANTAGES.
Conclusion
IN CONCLUSION ,
ALTHOUGH
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 THE
MONEY
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 NEEDED IN
INSTALTION
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THE INSTALLATION
 OF THESE
ALTERNAATIVE
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ALTERNATIVE
 SOURCES OF
ENERGY
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 HAS CEETATION NEGATIVE ASPECTS, I THINK THAT ITS POSITIVE EFFECTS ARE MORE SIGNIFICANT.
THEREFORE
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 ,
THIS
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 TREND SHOULD BE CONSIDERED A POSITIVE
DEVELPOMENT
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DEVELOPMENT
OVERALL
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task response
Answer the main question more fully. You say the change is positive, but explain more clearly why it is good for people, countries, and the world.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. For example, say how solar power can help homes in sunny places, or how wind power can cut dirty air in a city.
task response
Develop each main idea before you move on. In the first body part, focus on clean air and lower power costs. In the next part, focus on high first costs and repair needs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use short, clear topic sentences. For example: “One key benefit is less air pollution.” Then explain this point and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same idea many times, such as “positive points” and “advantages.” Use one clear sentence to compare the good and bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
Make your last paragraph shorter and stronger. Restate your view and give the main reason: clean energy is better in the long term, even if it costs more at first.
task response
You give a clear view that the move to wind and solar power is positive.
task response
You include both good and bad sides, such as clean air, lower long-term costs, high first costs, and repair work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a clear four-part form: an opening, two main parts, and a final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “however”, “for example”, “in addition”, and “in conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
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