IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people in cities live alone or in small family units instead of with extended family. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In modern society, life has changed a great deal, especially in cities.
This
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 includes small family units and large family units. Recently, some
people
Use synonyms
 often believe that they should live alone.
However
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, others believe that the opposite idea is a complex issue, which can create many problems.
Thus
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, both views have significant points. I personally argue that the advantages are stronger than the disadvantages.
This
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 assay will provide key information to explore the topic.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, in terms of the primary view, there are several significant advantages.
This
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 is
due to
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 many positive reasons.
First,
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living alone is a useful idea.
This
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 is because it maintains freedom.
In other words
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, if
people
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 live in a small family, it makes them free. The security room is a prime example.
In addition
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, the community should have a small room to read, talk and walk.
As a result
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, society becomes more comfortable and free.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, in terms of the secondary view, there are numerous disadvantages.
This
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 is
due to
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 a large number of negative reasons.
Firstly
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,
people
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 become uncomfortable.
This
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 creates many problems ,
such
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 as family issues.
As a result
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,
this
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 makes life more difficult.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in terms of the advantages and disadvantages, there are many significant benefits, which can generate a real change.
However
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, there are major drawbacks, which can make a negative impact.
Thus
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, the government recommends
people
Use synonyms
 follow the right tips for a positive result and a better life.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that the benefits are more effective than the drawbacks.

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task response
State your view in a clear way at the start: living alone or in small families is mostly positive. Then keep the same view in all parts of the essay.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, say how a small home can give people more control over their time, money, and daily life.
task response
Use real and clear examples. “The security room” does not show why living alone is good. You could write about a young worker who can choose work hours, meals, and house rules.
task response
Develop the negative side too. Explain that people who live alone may feel lonely, have less help when they are ill, or pay more for housing.
task response
Do not add ideas that are not linked to the question, such as community rooms or what the government recommends, unless you clearly show how they affect family living.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction with your view, one paragraph for good points, one paragraph for bad points, and a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain it, give an example, and link it back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very general lines such as “there are many positive reasons” and “this creates many problems.” Say exactly what the reason or problem is.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “First,” “For example,” “However,” and “As a result” can help, but each one should show a clear link between two ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect well, for example the move from freedom to a security room. Check that every sentence supports the main idea of its paragraph.
task response
You give a clear overall view that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
You try to look at both sides of the issue, which is important for this essay question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow the basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion.”
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