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Writing Samples
Band 5

More people are choosing to live in large cities. What problems can this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?

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Introduction
Nowadays, more and more
people
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 are choosing to live in large
cities
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 because they believe that there are better opportunities for work and education.
However
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,
this
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 trend can cause several
problems
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,
such
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 as overcrowding and
traffic
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congestion
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. There are some possible solutions that governments can introduce to deal with these issues.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main
problems
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 is overcrowding.
This
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 is because a large number of
people
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 move to
cities
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 every year, which puts pressure on housing, hospitals and schools.
As a result
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, some
people
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 may find it difficult to find affordable accommodation or receive proper medical treatment. Another serious problem is
traffic
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congestion
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. When more
people
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 use private cars, roads become crowded, leading to longer journeys and increased air pollution.
Body paragraph 2
There are several solutions to these
problems
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.
Firstly
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, governments should improve public transportation,
such
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 as buses and trains, to encourage
people
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 to use public transport
instead
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 of private vehicles.
This
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 would help reduce
traffic
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congestion
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 and air pollution.
Secondly
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, governments should invest in smaller towns and rural areas by providing more job opportunities, better schools and healthcare facilities.
This
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 would encourage
people
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 to stay in their local areas rather than move to large
cities
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, living in large
cities
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 can lead to
problems
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such
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 as overcrowding,
traffic
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congestion
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 and pollution.
However
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, these issues can be reduced by improving public transportation and developing smaller towns and rural areas.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the task well: you show key problems and give clear ways to deal with them. To make the response stronger, add one short real-life example. For example, say how a new train line can cut the number of cars on busy roads.
Task response
Your ideas are clear, but you could explain the link between cause and result in more detail. For example, show how high house costs can force some people to live far from work.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, problems, answers, and ending. This makes it easy to read. Keep this clear order.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “However”, “As a result”, “Firstly”, and “Secondly”. Try not to use “This would” too many times. You can also use “In this way” or “As a result” when they fit.
Coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph stays on one subject, which is good. To make the flow even smoother, add a short link at the start of the answer paragraph, such as “These problems need both city and local area plans.”
Task response
You give direct and useful answers: better buses and trains, plus more jobs and services outside big cities.
Task response
The problems you choose are very relevant: too many people, hard-to-find homes and care, traffic, and dirty air.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly states the main topic and names the problems that the essay will discuss.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending sums up the main problems and answers without adding new ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban aesthetics
  • promoting tourism
  • boosting local economies
  • enhancing residents' quality of life
  • mental well-being
  • functional design
  • urban challenges
  • population density
  • transportation
  • housing
  • conflict between beauty and functionality
  • urban planning
  • aesthetic appeal
  • practicality
  • case studies
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