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Band 4.5

Social media has amassed large user bases. Do the advantage of being a part of social media site outweighs the disadvantage?

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Introduction
The topic of
the
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apply
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social
media
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 has amassed large
user
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bases
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has
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and has
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 been the subject of considerable debate in recent years. Some
people
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 believe that social
media
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 has several
benefits
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 that will affect
people
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`s lives,
while
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 others believe that the drawbacks exceed the
benefits
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.
This
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 essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of
the
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social
media
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.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, one major benefit of
the
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social
media
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 is that individuals can be informed
the
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about the
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news
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.
For example
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, if an old man wants to know about the
news
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 of his country, he can explore the
news
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in the
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on
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 social
media
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.
Furthermore
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, having amassed large
user
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bases
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 on social
media
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 not only can inform
people
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 about
news
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, but it can
also
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 help individuals to create relationships.
For example
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, if a girl wants to gain new friends, she can start chatting on social
media
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, despite having
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benefits
Add an article
the benefits
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 of having amassed large
user
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bases
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, there are many drawbacks as well.
First,
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young
people
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 might addicte of using smartphones to use social
media
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. The main reason is that young
people
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 want to
spent
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spend
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 much time
at
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on
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 social
media
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 to explore the
news
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 or chat
their
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with their
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 friends, which would affect them negatively.
For instance
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, if a child always chats
his
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with his
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 friends on social
media
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, he might forget about his education, so that the child will be unsuccessful in the future.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 having amassed large
user
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bases
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 offers significant
benefits
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of
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to
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people
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`s lives, it is important to acknowledge the drawbacks
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such
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, such
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 as distracting
the
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apply
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children from their education.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. Say if the good points are greater than the bad points, or the bad points are greater. Your essay now talks about both sides, but it does not clearly choose one side.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, say how social media helps people get news quickly, and why this is more or less important than phone use and less time for school.
task response
Use examples that are more real and clear. Instead of only an old man or a girl, give a fuller case, such as people getting safety news during a storm or keeping in touch with family far away.
task response
Your last paragraph should answer the main question directly. Do not only say that bad points are important; state which side is stronger and why.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, good points, bad points, and end. Keep this shape, but make the first and last parts match your main answer.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. In the first body paragraph, news and making friends are both good ideas, but each needs more space and a clear link to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between sentences more natural. For example: “Social media can also help people make new friends.” This is clearer than the long sentence beginning with “Furthermore”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the long phrase “having amassed large user bases.” Use simple words such as “social media” or “these sites” after the first mention.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of social media, and your ideas stay on the topic.
task response
The essay gives examples for getting news, making friends, and the risk of less time for school.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “To sum up” helps the reader follow the main parts.
coherence and cohesion
There is an opening paragraph and a closing paragraph, so the essay has a clear overall form.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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