IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You are due to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. Write a letter to your new employer. In your letter • explain your situation • describe your problems • tell him/her when you think you can start. You should You do NOT need to write your own address.

6.5 / 9
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Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to apprise you of my inability to commence my new job
this
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 coming week
due to
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 my personal concerns. I was
initially
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 extremely delighted
for
Change preposition
by
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this
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 opportunity.
However
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, I came across the news of my friend who recently had a severe accident, which requires me to visit and see him as soon as possible.
Consequently
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, because of his critical health condition, I am travelling to Toronto as he lives in that city alone, and I am the only one who can accompany him in his tough situation.
Moreover
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, he has already booked my one-way flight
on
Change preposition
for
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 next Monday. In order to start my job in the future, I would appreciate it if you could postpone the starting date of my job to the first week of November,
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this
Correct word choice
as this
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 will allow me enough time to resolve my matter. Alternatively, I could be able to do online meetings if required during
this
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 period, which would ultimately save up a lot of time. I hope my concerns will be taken into consideration. I look forward to hearing from you Yours faithfully, John Sith

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task response
Explain the problem in a more direct way. Say why your friend needs you and how long you may need to stay with him.
task response
Give one clear start date, such as “I expect to start on 3 November.” This makes your plan easier for the employer to understand.
task response
Use simpler, more natural words. For example, write “tell you that I cannot start work next week” instead of “apprise you of my inability to commence.”
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear order: reason, problem, and new start date. Keep this order.
coherence and cohesion
Do not join two full ideas with only a comma. Split this into two sentences: “I would be grateful if you could move my start date to the first week of November. This would give me enough time to deal with the matter.”
coherence and cohesion
Use a more direct link between the flight and your plan. For example: “My friend has booked a flight for me next Monday, so I will leave then.”
task response
You answer all the main points: you explain why you cannot start, describe the problem, and ask for a later start date.
task response
Your tone is polite and respectful, especially when you ask the employer to consider your situation.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part of the letter is in its own paragraph, so the reader can follow your message easily.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However”, “Consequently”, and “Moreover” help show the links between your ideas.
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