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Writing Samples
Band 6

You are studying at a college which has very limited sports and leisure facilities for students. Write a letter to the principal. In your letter: Outline the situation Propose ways to improve this situation Request a meeting to discuss this

6.0 / 9
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my views on the current extracurricular activities, which seem quite limited for the students. As there is a lack of indoor fields for indoor games, especially in
winters
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winter
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, the problem deteriorates
as
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apply
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when
the
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apply
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outdoor games can not be played
due to
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 the tough weather conditions. In light of these circumstances, we require sufficient indoor space to do other physical activities for fun
as well as
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 for physical fitness.
Consequently
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,
this
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 will bring us an opportunity to acquire knowledge about other sports as well.
In addition
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, one more teacher should be appointed to take the position of an assistant, who can perform the physical education teacher's role in his absence. To address these concerns, I would kindly request you to arrange a teacher's meeting as soon as possible in order to get everyone's opinion on
this
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 matter. Alternatively, you could organise another meet-up with the school kids to gather their suggestions on which sports they want to see in future. I hope my concerns will be taken into consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, John Sith

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task response
State the lack of sports and free-time places more clearly. Add clear plans, such as a new indoor hall, more sports tools, or longer opening hours.
task response
Ask for a meeting with the principal, not a teachers' meeting. Give a possible day or time for the meeting.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each paragraph: the problem, your plans, and the meeting request.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the order of your ideas, such as “First”, “Also”, and “Finally”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second paragraph easier to follow. The point about a new teacher is not linked clearly to the need for more places and games.
task response
You explain that bad winter weather makes the lack of indoor space a bigger problem.
task response
You give useful ideas, including more indoor space and another staff member.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, main paragraphs, and a polite ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use polite language that is right for a letter to the principal.
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