it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

4.5 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

There is an argument that taking

risk

Check wording

risks

show examples

is essential for people in both professional and personal lives. I think the

adavantages

Correct your spelling

advantages

of taking

risk

Check wording

risks

show examples

outweigh the disadvantages.

This

Linking Words

essay will clearly explain both sides.

Body paragraph 1

The history shows that taking

risks

Use synonyms

ended up in

incrediblay

Correct your spelling

incredibly

life

Use synonyms

-changing results most of the time.

Linking Words

Initially

Add a comma

Initially,

show examples

it may look scary or impossible, but taking

risks

Use synonyms

come

Correct subject-verb agreement

comes

show examples

with a very effective experience in both personal

life

Use synonyms

and professional

life

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, if someone

possessing

Wrong verb form

possesses

show examples

some amount of

money

Use synonyms

and they think of starting a

bussiness

Correct your spelling

business

, they may

double guess

Correct your spelling

double-guess

themselves and think what if it doesn'

Use synonyms

go as

Fix capitalization

show examples

expected? and decide not to use the

money

Use synonyms

for

bussiness

Correct your spelling

business,

and

instead

Linking Words

they may spend

money

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

daily

expensive things

Check wording

expenses

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

, they not only lost the

money

Use synonyms

they

Correct word choice

but they

show examples

also

Linking Words

couldn'

Use synonyms

get the experience of starting a

bussiness

Correct your spelling

business

of their own.

Body paragraph 2

Along with

Linking Words

that, taking

risks

Use synonyms

in personal

life

Use synonyms

Linking Words

also can

Correct word order

can also

show examples

Use synonyms

life-changing

Add an article

a life-changing

show examples

decision

Use synonyms

, not only for ourselves, but

also

Linking Words

for the whole family and even next generations. Because some risky

Use synonyms

decision

Check wording

decisions

show examples

bring us

Change preposition

show examples

a completely

differnet

Correct your spelling

different

position. For

instace

Correct your spelling

instance

, when my family and

Fix capitalization

show examples

decided to immigrate, it was a very tough idea for us because we didn'

Use synonyms

know what sort of challenges we may face.

This

Linking Words

decision

Use synonyms

brought us to a new country, which was

highly

Add an article

a highly

show examples

transformative

decision

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

our

Use synonyms

life

Check wording

lives

show examples

, which gonna affect

our

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

next generations as well.

Conclusion

In conclusion, taking

risks

Use synonyms

isn'

Use synonyms

easy, but

Verb problem

it's

show examples

worth it to do and experience the new things and get out of your comfort zone. From my

prespective

Correct your spelling

perspective

advantages

Add an article

the advantages

show examples

of taking

risks

Use synonyms

outweigh

its

Fix the agreement mistake

their

show examples

disadvantages.

This

Linking Words

is what

Fix capitalization

show examples

learned in my

life

Use synonyms

experiences.

freshtafarhang99

Nov 12, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Give a clearer answer from the start: say that the good points are greater than the bad points. Then explain the bad points too, such as losing money, time, or a job. At present, the essay mostly explains why risks are good.

task response

Make each main idea more clear. In the first body part, explain how a business risk can bring a good result, not only that a person may miss a chance by doing nothing. In the second body part, explain why moving to a new country was worth the problems.

task response

Your examples are useful, but add more details. For example, say what the family gained after moving, or how a new business can help a person learn, earn money, or find better work.

coherence and cohesion

Use a simple plan: introduction, one paragraph about work risks, one paragraph about personal risks, then a conclusion. This plan is mostly there, but the first body paragraph moves between risks, money, and daily spending too quickly.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas with clear words such as “However”, “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In contrast”. Do not use the same link too often. Make sure each sentence follows the one before it.

coherence and cohesion

Keep the same point of view. The essay moves from general ideas to “my family and I”. This can work, but make the link clear: say that your family’s move is an example of a personal risk.

coherence and cohesion

Write a more direct conclusion. Restate your main view and sum up the two reasons: risks can bring growth in work and in personal life, even though they may cause loss or fear.

task response

You answer the main question and give a clear view that taking risks is usually worth it.

task response

You use examples from work and personal life, so the essay covers both parts of the topic.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion. This gives it a clear basic shape.

coherence and cohesion

Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

4.5

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Managing global environmental issues should be handled by one organization on a global scale. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
In recent decades, societal progress has triggered a surge in environmental challenges. While I concur with the need for international organizations to spearhead solutions, I contend that restricting the number of such bodies is counterproductive.
6.5
band
In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?
In recent years, there has been a gradual change in the organization of a family and the responsibility of its members. Some people believe this modification has many advantages. However, others think that it could also have some negative effects. In my opinion, I think that these changes are both positive and negative. Discussed below are several benefits as well as drawbacks of this issue.
6.5
band
Student learn far more with their teachers than other sources (the Internet or television). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Teachers are considered the reliable source of learning for scholars in contrast to media and the internet. However, I partially agree with the statement because both play a significant role in developing children's personalities. Since, in the past days teachers were the only reliable source of education as they were role models, whereas, the internet and television are modern inventions and contain a lot of knowledge. I will discuss this in my essay below.
6.5
band
Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?
Many individuals in developing countries suffer from treatable diseases due to the high cost of medication. I firmly believe that pharmaceutical companies should reduce prices in these countries, as this promotes social welfare and aligns with ethical business practices.
6
band
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country others say that these are not the only reason why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There have been many multilingual people recently. Some individuals believe that learning foreign languages can be beneficial when people decide to travel or immigrate to other countries, while there is another perspective which supports other reasons. What I believe is that learning a language can provide several benefits to us, and I am going to elaborate on this in the following.

it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Managing global environmental issues should be handled by one organization on a global scale. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

Student learn far more with their teachers than other sources (the Internet or television). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country others say that these are not the only reason why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.